I didn't trust anymore
by Escritora submarina
Summary: Masamune Takano had broken the heart of Onodera, who destroyed by it, decides to take the reins of his life and forget about him. Not without first meeting a young musician who will show him the world from another perspective, making him re-believe in what he thought was lost. Can this new romance be born? Can Onodera forget about Takano and be happy on his own?
1. It's too late to go back

**"It's too late to go back"**

_"Your voice in the message asks me to speak to you, but it may be late for when you hear me"_

It was too late for Onodera Ritsu to want to stay with Takano, who had been his first love and, well, his first everything.

Their relationship had not turned out to be as expected, perhaps because of the clash of their opposite personalities, perhaps the mimicry of each converged for evil and were not meant to be together. For whatever reason, he was not the one to make him happy.

Takano's voice was repeated in the voicemail, asking him to come back, try as many times as necessary. He was literally begging for his return.

He, with a heavy heart, was wrapped in a chrysalis that crumbled with the sound of his low voice. He was hurting.

Onodera had enough of that twisted and toxic love.

He blocked Takano's number, he discarded the small gadgets he possessed from him until he was stripped of his belongings, naked and frivolous as an endless anecdote.

He cried bitterly until he fell asleep, exhausted with tears to shed, words to say and kisses to give; his body ached a lot and weighed as if he had a great burden on him, pressing his chest and the whole world in a swing.

He woke up in a better mood with the sun clouding his eyelids bloated and his body burned from the same pain, coming from the same person.

The sound of his feet rising from the ground, his red eyes from so much crying gave him a depressing and bleak look of the person he turned out to be because of his supposed love.

That love was supposed to heal him from his old pains. He was supposed to be happy forever. The word stayed in the air…in a cruel assumption.

He blew slightly, wrapped in his suspicious expression and the typical frown that he was characterized.

He took a shower, as well as a decision: he would leave Takano for life.

No more Masamune Takano, no more "this is not love", no more of that toxic person.

The rest of the day he devoted himself to breaking old documents, papers, unnecessary ornaments that were coming up in his apartment in a hostile way, work clothes, photographs where Takano came out and stormy memories that bribed him with returning to him.

He shook his head, convinced that his decision was the best and he couldn't suffer for love, since he didn't believe in happy endings, perfect kisses, the concise moment in which words were proclaimed, false promises, shattered illusions, the immeasurable pride, the ego that invaded the relationship between them.

He shouldn't have trusted Takano for the second time.

It was a mistake.

He was a complete stupid.

He cried bitterly until he fell asleep in a corner of his apartment, with che cold of the walls being his little rejoiced of heat, the moonlight so hostile of to the premises of illusory love. Love that he so blindly thought to warn never fall again, and he ended up falling like a stupid.

The mistake was having fallen in love with Masamune Takano in high school, but the worst mistake he made was to have fallen in love twice with the same man! He repeated: _the same man! _

His mind played heavy jokes, even when he was asleep, because he kept scrubbing images of Takano with great freedom, with no need for anything.

_Anything…_

_I need to forget about Takano. _

_No, I withdraw what I said_, he blew a breath of fresh air that sweet morning when the sun welcomed his new goal, or rather, a new stage in life.

_I can forget about Takano._

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**P.S.** (Mention of the song "Perdonar es divino" from Gustavo Cerati)

**NOTE: **New History, new project, new idea. Waiting for it to be liked by the readers ...

I took the route of the songs as I do with "The songs that define our love" that the story revolves around music, because in this I wanted to do it that way but with another plot. It took me a while to upload it because I was afraid to publish it and that you as readers didn't like it or that I didn't even like it. The story plot is not quite settled yet, so I am still changing some details and to write it as it goes, or how I personally think it's the best way around.

So, please tell me what you think about it. If you liked the chapter or the premise. It would help me a lot to do better.

Thank you for reading.


	2. The strange musician

**"The strange musician"**

_"__Why am I always the one with the bad luck?"_

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He came out in the afternoon, when they sky was getting dark at sunset.

The air changed course, color and smell.

The frustrations that he previously discarded the previous days of his confinement, he knew that the atmosphere felt different from the way he had previously appreciated in his daily routes.

It was past seven o'clock in the afternoon, where summer and the beginning of autumn met with the change of seasons.

The change of seasons pleased him because time was lost in the last days of summer, giving way to a new course in the weather, like a change of air.

If time served to heal, he was doing it along with the changing seasons.

The shops were full of curious young people full of dreams to fulfill, they invaded him with nostalgia. A cruel nostalgia that he could not digest in his system, and process it tasted like a bad omen.

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He bought Taiyaki on his afternoon walk, looking for some of the shops that caught his attention. He intended to hang out, to block his mind for the moment, only in his own corner.

While he took a bite, he advanced crushing his feet against the pavement sedimented in the certainty of being able to find something that was of his interest.

He passed through a small public park, where the fluorescent lights shone and lit his way like snowflakes into a glass jar.

It was good for him to breathe the air of the tress, watching the green leaves change color to a more brown one. In its entirety, autumn looked appealing to the young editor to deter pain in a quiet moment, which meant what happened to him: a change.

Suddenly, he heard distant echoes that sounded in the same place where he stood; a sound coming from an electro-acoustic guitar, causing soft vibrations that invited him to get closer to them, temping him gradually, and almost materialized in his mind.

He stopped, turned to see that the direction where the music came from increased as he concentrated on the sound .

People were heading to the same direction he decided to join, walking and moving his feet forward, raising his chin as he would say, someone who should not show up in front of a downturn caused by a broken heart.

He was surprised to see who was the guy who played the guitar, sitting on a wooden four-legged bench and a round armchair (same, made of wood), with a yellow long-sleeved shirt with brown tones, tight jeans, boots Brown leather with strong brown ribbons of a slim and striking leather.

What surprised him was not the clothes or the guitar he played, nor the songs nor that he was singing through the microphone. It was, but his physique. Rather, a very handsome physique who dazzled naturally: brown hair almost golden, honey-colored eyes adorned his gaze towards his instrument and the audience that admired him, the perfect smile that expressed an ideal denture, the youth and dreams he projected.

It seemed that nothing and no one could destroy that happiness that surrounded him, almost like an impenetrable chrysalis.

Ritsu's chest skipped a beat, something he didn't think would happen to him with a complete stranger.

The boy's voice sounded so melodious, soft and subtle. Detail that enlightened him with just a couple of words he even needed, nor did he notice perishing before such a musical demonstration that he glorified the ballads; Romantic songs that women like, but he didn't.

No, Onodera Ritsu didn't like ballads, nor the songs of that awful area.

Maybe that's why he had no luck in love, for being so unromantic and pessimistic.

He was always the one of bad luck. Why did he have to be the one of bad luck? Why?

He landed in himself, when he noticed that the boy was singing a song very similar to his newly failed love story; He talked about bad luck, about being the pathetic and the leftover in the relationship. The poor unfortunate.

He sang it with such euphemism that he would bewitch anyone who would listen to him on the street, or at school. The boy, had a talent of greatness, of the few that one has the opportunity to discover and more in the street. In a small park, which by chance entered the unfortunate Onodera Ritsu.

He approached him, taking some shy steps toward the boy.

Ritsu felt strange, oblivious to his system. Who'd say? He was enthralled by a stranger, simply because of the talent he carried, but it was not only that, but the other qualities he demonstrated by just sitting with a guitar in hand.

That boy used the heart.

The heart (the most powerful weapon in the world), was being used for entertainment purposes to heal broken hearts.

Without seeing it coming, the boy looked at him, thus crossing glances with Ritsu; his heart escaped from his chest to his throat. He swallowed to reassure his troubled nerves that jumped and danced in ecstasy with the alien force that invaded him.

What happened to him? If he wasn't like that.

The boy looked at him more earnestly, curious to meet him.

An interested look directed him, to which he responded with a shy gesture.

The response to such actions could mean only one thing: he was in love.

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**P.S.** (Mention to the song "La de la mala suerte" from Jesse y Joy)

**NOTE:** Hi! What do you think of the chapter? This story, rather, came to me like a flash and I decided to write it even though I didn't have a consistent plot for Onodera Ritsu, who is the protagonist of it, and in the same way, I wanted to match him with Yukina Kou because I feel that these two fit quite well, so I wanted to let it be.

Our Ritsu has fallen in love fast! My take with his feelings was very crazy knowing that he has a broken heart, but I took the liberty of expressing it like that, I don't know what you think, you can tell me in the comments.

And yes, as the plot unfolds many whys will be answered.


	3. The consequences of falling in love

**"The consequences of falling in love"**

_"__Use love as a bridge"_

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The song ended and with it, the applause of the audience that was delighted with the demonstration of the young man in front of the spectators followed. Ritsu joined the applause, but looking groggy at such outside smiles that they didn't get a smile. He was only grateful to be received with a song that expressed his fragile emotional state, without noticing that the boy's eyes were fixed on him with intensity.

Perhaps he received the same crush he gave him, and without noticing much, his eyes met again in that period of time when the applause ceased to exist.

His heart beat repeatedly as he watched the look of the boy preparing to sing another song, however, he stopped by adjusting the microphone with his left hand.

"Thank you for coming to our Friday night meetings," he thanked politely. A brief wave of applause arose, as soon as it was over, the boy decided to continue. "We have a new member at our meetings, please welcome him." He turned his gaze to Ritsu, who had remained static as a stature as soon as he knew he was referring to him. "To the man with the green eyes and brown hair that is eating Taiyaki," He pointed at him and the rest of the spectators gave him a warm welcome with laughter and applause.

Onodera felt himself pale in the courtesy of strangers.

"This next song if for you" He looked at him a gesture of seriousness. "Let's use love as a bridge" He said, dedicating Gustavo Cerati's song "Puente", shaking his head to the right side that went to the beat of the song he was singing with much enthusiasm, such that if infected Ritsu's fragile heart.

As soon as he finished eating the Taiyaki, he planted his feet on the floor listening to the lyrics, the chords, the gentle arpeggio of the instrument, and a sweet "Thank you for coming" the enthralled him again before the imposing presence of that stranger.

He was falling so fast that he didn't glimpse that the boy smiled at him with conviction, showing himself as a titan that flew over the air and the most terrible winds that the universe imposed on him to fulfill his goals.

Both suffered the same crush, the same irrational and inexplicable feeling that love meant, which led to behaving as something that was not, as a being stunned by those impulses he wanted to throw away, but he could not do it. It was too late to be accountable to fate because he already brought an alleged young man who made his heart beat.

As soon as he finished singing, the boy kept his things saying:

"Thank you for your attention." He bowed his head in thanks. "See you at the same time next week, have a nice night."

Onodera thought it was time to leave, as soon as a hand held him from behind. He noticed who the action came from.

"Hello" He bowed, bowing his head in a small, brief bow in a polite manner. "I wanted to welcome you again, but more personally, because it's not usual to see a lonely man around here"

Ritsu was paralyzed from the same fright in which the boy spoke to him with great naturalness, something that he did not believe feasible.

"Em" He meant, but his voice came out very choked. He swallowed, sorry.

"I don't mean to insult you, or anything like that." He gave a nervous laugh. "I show up here every Friday at seven o'clock at night, and I've never seen a man like you"

_Me neither_, Ritsu told himself, almost fainting from the young man's impression.

"Can you let me go?" He demanded with a breath of violent air.

"Oh yes, of course." He released him with a jerk.

"Look, I came here by chance." He excused himself by looking down, where his voice took the reins of the matter in an unconvincing way. "I won't come again."

"I don't believe in coincidences." He aimed with intense gaze, prostrate on him. "Rather, I would say that I believe in destiny"

"Those are nonsense," he complained with a frown.

"Well, everyone can believe in what they want," He said, overflowing the words to continue bothering the young man. "But I didn't come to tell you things related to destiny, I came to welcome you to our group, where we met every Friday night." He smiled cordially.

"Group?" He asked confused.

He nodded.

"We meet every Friday," he announced. "It's the group of broken hearts, I say, I don't know your situation, but that's how they named my visitors in the park." He scratched the back of his neck with his hand, while with the other he had it tucked in his pants pocket. "Most of the members are people who have broken hearts," he explained, shaking his head nodding. "But, it is not that it is a requirement to belong to the group, the requirement is to enjoy good music and move on"

Ritsu looked closely at the young man who appeared before him, taking it as a sign that fate would once again make fun of him at some point, but he would not give up if the boy would go over and over.

But, no matter how much he wanted to look for defects in him, he found none, at least from the visible point of view.

"Excuse me, your name?" Onodera asked in a scrutinizing gesture.

"Ah!" He sighed. "My name is Yukina Kou, and you?"

"Onodera Ritsu," he replied dryly, almost robotically.

"You have a nice name." She praised him with a soft, tender look at him. "For a cute man"

"Stop there." He raised his hand up. "I am not cute!"

"What? But you are," he insisted.

"I am not," he protested indignantly, shaking his head. "You don't even know me"

"Ah, but I want to know you," he added grandiloquently. "Don't you want to know me?" He made a hopeful gesture, which was in vain because Ritsu turned around and marched away from that weird guy. _Attractive and weird, what a strange combination!_

"Agh!" He groaned in the air.

A manly hand took it from the sweater he wore and turned it toward him.

"What?" Ritsu asked haughtily, raising his chin.

"Calm down." He put his big hand on his head, rubbing his hair to calm him. "I didn't mean to bother you," he said right. "I apologize if I said something that bothered you, is that you called my attention and I want to meet you, if it's not too much to ask."

Know him? But, he was Onodera Ritsu the same one who suffered for love twice with the same man, the same grumpy man who yelled at everyone who provoked him, the rookie editor they all ordered without having mercy.

No one loved him as such, even when Takano begged him and pursued him until he heard him say he loved him, similar to the guys who only dedicated themselves to annoying and pigeonholing his victims of love to have them eating from the palm of his hand.

Neither Takano knew him completely, nor a tenth of his person knew himself by heart; But who knows if the so-called Yukina Kou would like to know him closely, without refuting his grumpy and responsible personality at work.

He highlighted being a sensitive, sweet man, but at the same time very persecuted for the past.

"Onodera?" Asked the culprit of his accelerated machinations. He regained his composure, wearing a frown and an indignant grimace with plummeting eyes. "Did I say something that bothered you?"

"It bothers me that you are so confident!" He gave a vast growl. "When we don't even know each other"

"That's why I proposed to know you," he spoke, raising his eyebrows. "Or didn't you hear me?"

"I heard you more than perfect," he grumbled, pouting.

"So what do you say?" He inquired about his proposal, sounding hopeful even in his eyes that reflected the intense desire to meet Ritsu.

But what would he do? Will he accept his proposal? Or will he deny it?

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**P.D.** (Mention of the song "Puente" from Gustavo Cerati)

**NOTE: **First conversation between Ritsu and Yukina. I hope you liked the development that I give the story that is still difficult to give me progress, but it doesn't matter, because it entertains me to write about these two.


	4. Learning how to grow

**"Learning how to grow"**

"Ba!" He agreed to the proposal without a doubt, showing himself sure as he used to do with the mishaps that crowded over him, as well as not allowing himself to be seen as a lower being without counting the height that he far exceeded, which he wouldn't be intimidated so easily.

"I'm glad to know!" He smiled gratefully for accepting his proposal. "Then I'll see you next Friday, Onodera." He shook his hand politely, before leaving with the guitar hanging from his back and the horn in one hand and the microphone on his right side. "At seven!" He shouted in the distance.

"Don't shout!" Onodera replied a little intimidated by the extreme ease with which the young man spoke on the air and was not ashamed of having shouted in the park at night and many couples walked hand in hand in a romantic gesture.

He heard him laugh from a distance, where he looked at him and saw his graceful figure fade away in the distance, like a mirage more than shaped his new and renewed geometry.

His heart was beating in relation to the boy who enthralled him just by showing his presence in front of the public as a being alien to his world, who promised to be something beyond what he thought he seemed; and part of growing up meant moving forward, not backing up.

The crush he received was not a simple coincidence, but to learn to live with it.

He didn't remember receiving a crush as powerful as that since he fell in love for the first time in high school when he met Takano in the library. Moreover, he could agree to say that the imposing musician who had just been presented as a problem to be solved, there was no impairment of doubt at the moment, nor much preamble for avoiding his troubled life.

"This can't be happening to me so fast," he told himself at home, moving his hair frantically until he felt it tangle between his fingertips.

He served dinner while reading the newspaper in search of a job in an editorial in the city of Tokyo.

He ran into some good proposals, but none was as important as the one he worked for and many thirsty for employment were dying to be hired there; and he, being employed for approximately one year, wanted to resign with the purpose of not seeing Takano. It hurt to see him, although not as much as at the beginning.

"Fall in love just like that." He growled in the air. "Impossible!"

Glimpsed by a suffocating pain taking possession of his chest that flourished to the sea of complex thoughts that his emotional side incited him in a twisted way.

They told him that the Yukina boy was a good match for a man as lonely as him. That he would not give up such irrevocable desires that his interior fluttered eagerly and more, to drink the water in the stream, in the middle of the morning sunset in the middle of the oasis.

"It's not love." He wanted to convince himself despite his circumstances that shook him from side to side until his head exploded from thinking so much. "It can't be love!"

He ended up falling asleep at the dining room table with the newspaper as his pillow and for blanket he used the sweater he wore that same day.

Falling in love at first sight was a silly cliché, which he swore not to suffer or have, or whatever its name was. He was a rational man, who was not guided by the pulsations of his emotions, no sir, he was not one of those illusions in love with whom he so loathed to read in the shojo manga.

What would he do now with that new feeling?

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**P.S. **Another short chapter for now! I will make them more longer than this one. Thanks for commenting about your thoughts related to the plot, and I'm glad to know that it's taking a good reception for now.

I will publish chapters frequently, so stay tuned for more


	5. Leaving the past behind

**"Leaving the past behind"**

_"__I'll be all right without you"_

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He woke up with the creeps, making it look like a bird's nest just looking in the mirror. He shouted curses throughout the departamental complex of the same hurry to get to work on time, since that day he returned to work in the editorial being exploited by the same man who broke his heart.

He got off the subway stomping wildly against the floor in order to make the rest of the passers-by who got off at the same stations as he moved off the road, and thus let him free step to continue running like a crazy goat.

Something good must bring the day.

"Onodera!" Takano sent him calling from his chief's seat. He raised his eyebrow in an annoying gesture, his lip twisted in a disgusted grimace. Something was wrong, Onodera told himself swallowing, feeling a hollow in his throat that drowned him in a glass of water.

"What?" He demanded, drawing his voice from his chest.

"The work you presented last week" He began, inflating his chest to drop the bomb.

"Yes?" He shook his head slightly from top to bottom in an indifferent swing.

"It's been rejected" He snapped despot, breaking the papers of his previous job in front of his eyes. "Do it again" He ordered throwing the remains of the paperwork into the trash can.

"As you want" He said through his teeth, frowning at the same rage. With that imprudence he insulted him if he had broken his heart a few days ago?

"What was that?" He demanded to know, in a haughty gesture raising the tone.

"I said whatever you say" He said, shaking his hands. "I will!" He waved his arms with his hands clasped.

"Don't come with your tantrums, Onodera" He twisted his eyebrow, adjusting his glasses with his right hand in liberal air.

"Tantrums?" He felt about to burst in anger.

"Yes, your tantrums" He continued. "Sometimes I think you're too immature" He said it to himself, but he mentioned it so clearly that Onodera caught the words instinctively. "That happens to you for being so proud and moody, I say, you send the wrong signals to the wrong people, what do you want one to think?" He made a wicked smile.

Blood boiled to his head, rumbling as a breeding ground prepared to emerge in a ravenous outburst.

"That? Won't you say anything?" Takano said mockingly. "I know, it's because I told the truth"

"It may be so" He mentioned unscathed in his comments.

"It's not 'may', it's a fact" He said authoritarian, feeling triumphant about his argument.

"A fact according to you" He said it with his eyebrows. "But, it doesn't depend on me if you tell me the truth or not"

Takano was stunned for a short time, it was a matter of second that it took him to recover from the words Onodera said.

"Nor does it depends on me if I fall in love again, or not, Takano-san?" He said playfully, moving two fingers of his right hand towards him in a challenging way. "It's my decision, as well as my decision" He approached the left lobe of his ear. "To forget about you" He whispered in a sigh, saying that he himself didn't think conceivable as soon as he did. He took the baton and went to his seat, dissuading his hand to the side of the shoulder in a brief dismissal from his presence that might not be required for the rest of his usual schedule.

He smiled to himself, encouraging himself for the feat he managed to accomplished without leaving loose ends or doubts in between. He made it very clear to Takano that he would forget him and in next he will fall in love with Yukina, with whom he had the crush, and he would also decide if he would fall in love with Yukina correctly.

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**P.D.** (Mention to the song "I'll be all right without you" from Journey)

**NOTE:** Thank you for your comments! This chapter is short, but the others I am trying to make them longer, as I will upload them often.

I hope the chapter has been to your liking, and I would like to know what you think.


	6. Returning to the starting point

**"Returning to the starting point"**

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The premises to start from scratch threatened to be affected by the new person he had just met. A person who could physically be called 'perfect', but that the same inside is perfect, it not something unexpected.

If he fully loved Takano, he can love someone other than him.

He affirmed with his head, working at his usual desk, subjecting his body to extreme working conditions, reaching up to twelve hours of work per day.

He corrected the work that Takano rejected in frenzy.

He huffed angrily at him, he tensed each time he saw him pass by to make sure he did his job as he expected to see in him.

The words he shared with Takano often appeared in the form of echoes that faded as they passed through his mind. His voice echoed and vibrated sharply, gross and inhospitable.

An aversion blew his cracked heart like an icy hair that came from the arctic poles, or as if an iceberg approached his chest to keep it freezing if he continued to work there.

He punched the table, causing a tremor in it, also catching the attention of some employees, including Takano.

He saw him tense, watching him irrupted with his task.

"¡Onodera!" He exclaimed his name in dislike. "Come here" He ordered stunned.

"I'm going" He got up, frowning, making sure his big defiant feeling didn't overflow so soon. He still wanted to exploit it to the fullest if he let time pass.

"Can you tell what that blow was?" He demanded to know, sighing in annoyance. He crossed his arms, blowing his chest.

That gesture was unbearable to Onodera.

"I was trying to get ideas" He said sharply, raising his chin and the clear sign of being irritated with him. "Any problem?"

Takano didn't seem to have believed him at all.

"Go back to your assignment" He ordered sparingly, visibly irritated at him.

Onodera only nodded with a selfless nod and retired to work.

The sun was hidden reflection its coppery rays on the building where the young Onodera Ritsu worked incessantly, beginning to feel the roars of his hungry stomach that demanded to be filled with food, and the inconstant voices that were heard in the Emerald editorial.

He hated not having adequate rest hours, even twenty minutes for lunch in the cafe next door. All because of that damn Takano! How could he have fallen in love with such a sly guy? The more he thought about it, the more was the trouble that invaded his gut.

He continued writing the next that was rejected, moving his fingers on the computer keyboard at extreme speeds just to have it done.

He was muttering sentences in his mind, which ultimately needed to be connected in the work, right?

* * *

_Ready! _He said when he finished typing the last key on the computer.

The feeling of satisfaction surrounded his pores invaded him, sprouting in drops of sweat that he cleansed thanks to the constant work to finish before he was late at night.

He smiled to himself in wide pride, crossing his arms with his chin up.

_I did it wonderfully as always! Now you will see Takano-san that I was not a waste of time, but that I am someone valuable._ He extended the smile on his face, saving the file to the computer, before sending it to print.

He took his belongings and left the office, whistling fully.

* * *

Arriving at his apartment, he dropped the portfolio at the entrance of his house, like his shoes and exchanged them for comfortable light gray cotton slippers.

He sighed seeing his dirty apartment, disappointed in his hygiene habits in the place where he usually lived; it was inconceivable to have such an unorthodox department for a man of his level.

The creaking of his stomach was the only sound he heard, besides his breathing. Beyond that, nothing was heard but that; Unfortunately, he felt lonely, lonely and desolate as an adult man recovering from a breakup.

He struggled in vain so that the lump in his throat did not appear, but he recognized that he wasted time forcing himself to always be so hard on himself when now, at that moment, he was completely alone.

Not a soul would witness seeing him cry.

The fire in his chest, the pain of his heavy heart, combined in a fusion of mixed feelings and in a way, collided and fought to exercise dominion within.

However, the only feeling he gained within him was hope.

Yes, he was hopeful that he had met Yukina Kou that Friday when he felt inside that he might never fall in love again. And fate proved to him once again that he did not dominate in the path of his life, but only had to decide whether to be part of the path that destiny would trace him or not.

Takano did not appear in his future plans.

Why? Because he no longer needed him in his new life.

With that assumption, he could return to the starting point, to the point where he walked happily without worries about love and its many enemies.

Now he could go back to the starting point.

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**P.S. **It took me a while to start doing the translation for this story, because I have piled up various stories in my work, but nothing to worry about.

We can see that Onodera is maturing slowly and starts to grow on his own, instead of being the character we know in the anime. I hope that you are liking the changes that I am making in him.

Also, this is one of the few short chapters of this story, because they will be longer. It takes me a while to think of a way to make them longer.


	7. Onodera's change

**"Onodera's change"**

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He woke up renewed, after having slept like a log, his body moved freely and physical exhaustion had diminished.

But that did not rule out that his mind wandered the name Yukina Kou, who, although they only had a conversation where they exchanged certain words, did not deny that he liked the handsome and weird boy he just met, on the contrary, he would say he felt electricity.

Thinking about that boy confused his entire body in a sway of tumultuous sensations over the sky.

He didn't know how to put it into words, but he was sure of something: he needed to see Yukina Kou.

He went to work that same day, sleepy after sitting in the subway with the rattling movement that had made him sleepy several times.

Fortunately, his hair dawned in a better way, so seeing the need to put gel on his hair was not a requirement; He put on a three-quarter long-sleeved shirt, navy blue, a black cashmere coat, jeans, and boots that reached the black calves of black shoelaces.

Since his heart broke, he preferred to change his dress style a little, as an alternative that his decision should be visible to anyone who saw him. Even Yokozawa, with whom he was not on good terms, would notice the change in his usual attire; Yokozawa might say grotesque things to him, but that would be an engine for him to feel his change more real.

Passing through the premises that constituted the road to work, he saw his figure through the window of a store and when he saw himself directly, it caused him a pleasant pleasure. He noticed that he looked stylized, modern, but youthful and mature for a man his age.

He smiled pleased with his goal, as if it were magic.

_Finally, I can look perfect!_ He sang, whistling happily for the rest of the way to the editorial.

* * *

"Onodera!" Takano yelled as soon as he saw him enter the office. "You're late!" The rest of the employees watched him without flinching at his shouts, totally accustomed to the shouts of his Boss in command. It did not seem abnormal to see Takano behind Onodera as a dog in search of his master's attention, however, they noticed that something was different: Onodera was dressed modern and even attractive.

The first to direct intense eyes was Shouta Kisa, who was his co-worker, and had the privilege of having him by his side.

"I know," Onodera snapped, in an arrogant attitude.

After that, Onodera took a seat, inattentive to the eyes of the employees and Kisa, who in turn, kept eyeing it with a blush present on his cheeks.

"Good morning, Kisa," Onodera told him, nodding politely.

He, on the other hand, tensed, pressing hard on the sheet he was reading where some errors marked by Takano.

"Yes," he said, feeling the floor move from the same nerve. "Good morning, Ricchan."

"A lot of work?" Onodera asked, looking at the sheet in Kisa's hands.

"Something like that," He replied, chuckling. "What about you, Ricchan? You had a busy day yesterday"

"Oh yes," He said, releasing an overwhelmed breath. "But, it's nothing that can't be resolved." He smiled.

"If you always have the job on time," he praised, looking at Onodera's well-groomed hair, looking like if he slipped his fingers over its texture, it would be soft and delicate to the touch "You are quite efficient as an employee here."

Onodera looked at him, listening attentively, as he arranged his things on the desk and deposited his portfolio under his chair. It seemed strange to him that Kisa was very complimentary that day, which he did not want to take much importance because he knew about the promiscuous past he had with several men, just looking at his physique. In addition, he must have noticed Onodera for his recent change.

"Thank you." He smiled politely, showing his front teeth that were perfectly aligned on his jaw.

"Onodera!" Takano yelled at him in contempt. He tensed.

"What do you want now?" He growled grinding his teeth.

"Stop flirting with your coworkers," he ordered dismissively.

Onodera growled, willing not to let Takano's orders and vociferous attitude disturbe his calm, since now his heart belonged to another.

To a complete stranger that he knew nothing about, but who didn't seem to be a bad guy.

"Sorry, Ricchan." Kisa nodded in distress.

"What? No, you don't have to worry" He denied uncomfortably. "You did not do anything wrong"

"But"

"That's enough," Onodera silenced him with a frown, which never failed when he did.

"Wow." A voice foreign to theirs was heard with hostility. There was no mistake who came from such a bad attitude and negative vibes: Yokozawa. "Look who decided to come dressed differently," he said sarcastically, almost mockingly.

Onodera did not want to turn to see him, since if he did it would be to give too much importance to an issue he did not want to intrude so quickly.

"Hm." He grimaced indignantly, complaining.

He heard the sound of his footsteps as he retreated in the direction of where Takano was.

He saw them exchange words on what he set to work; the truth was that because of Yokozawa it was that he decided to cut with Takano.

He very well knew that Yokozawa was in love with Takano during the years they had known each other, but that he had remained a friendship in which he jealously guarded his feelings so as not to ruin that friendship. However, since Takano was constantly courting Onodera, Yokozawa's feelings began to surface without remedy, spreading like an erupting volcano, overthrowing everything in its path.

He didn't blame Yokozawa for falling in love with Takano, he wasn't going to deny that Takano was a handsome and exaggeratedly attractive man; with his attributes and other qualities, who would not fall in love with such a man?

Either way, Onodera was simply in pain when he peered at Takano, responding dryly with every comment he made in reproach. You could tell that Takano was in pain because he broke ties with him, but he didn't blame him for being sad and heartbroken. No, nothing like that.

Rather, Onodera regretted not having fallen in love with someone better before, instead of looking at the same man who imposed a toxic relationship, if he didn't need to have a toxic relationship, but a healthy and equitable one.

He sincerely loved Takano, but that was not enough to have a stable relationship at his side.

After Yokozawa left the office, Takano called him.

"What do you want?" Onodera grumbled, frowning.

"I need to talk to you outside," he indicated the bathroom the employees used in the editorial office.

Seeing that Onodera didn't seemed convinced, he added:

"It's important"

"Okay," he reluctantly agreed.

* * *

Once in the bathroom, Takano took off his glasses, bearing his expression of seriousness and desire deeply rooted in his eyes, of which Onodera was familiar. He prepared in seconds for the bomb his boss would throw.

"Why did you break up with me, Onodera?" He demanded to know, in an indomitable tone. His hands were fixed on Onodera's limbs, leaving him cornered between zinc and Takano's body, which, unfortunately, was much larger than his own.

He swallowed feeling his intense gaze. "I deserve an explanation for your denial and your lack of tact to tell me the reason you broke up with me, it doesn't seem right what you did."

Onodera began to breathe agitated.

"The reason you should know," he muttered angrily.

"You are not very clear that we say." He squeezed his wrists, making him gasp. "You spend time playing with me, don't you? Evading me, drawing your own conclusions, yelling at me and above all, you don't even look me in the eye!" He emphasized the latter with resentment. "Stop evading me so much, Onodera! I'm sick of that childish attitude you have"

"If you're so fed up with my attitude" Onodera attacked stubbornly. "Well, leave me alone, I'm not interested in being with you anymore."

"What do you mean by 'I'm no longer interested in being with you'?" He inquired, raising his chin over the edge of his temple. "Did you meet anyone else?"

He swallowed hard, feeling that the palpitations of his chest could be heard a kilometer away, his legs faltered and his entire body became numb.

A drop of sweat spilled down his forehead.

"Not necessarily," he said, forcing his voice out concisely, although inside he felt a lump stuck in his throat disabling him to keep talking. "I decided this on my own."

"Tell it to my face," Takano demanded, putting his nose close to his, so that they both inhaled the same air they exhaled. "Look me in the eye and tell it to my face, Ritsu."

He looked up, feeling that he would collapse if he lied about the crush of falling in love he received less than a week ago.

He swallowed again, arming himself with courage for what he would say.

"This I decided on my own," he said. "So please don't get into what doesn't concern you, Takano-san."

He leaned down to kiss Onodera's lips, who instantly blushed feeling he betrayed his new ideals. He restrained his desire to hit him aggressively with his fists, but nevertheless, he needed a way to escape from the prison in which Takano again subjected him and from which he so longed to leave as he gave rise.

His life would not end in a toxic relationship again…

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**P.S.** An intense chapter, but necessary to intensify the plot and add a dose of drama, which I do not usually put in my stories, although I made the attempt.


	8. The casualties don't exist

**"The casualties don't exist"**

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"Let go of me!" He shouted loudly, throwing a punch in Takano's face. "Don't you dare to kiss me!" He breathed agitatedly, his cheeks burning with anger at impotence not having enough strength to stop Takano's attack at the right time. "I told you not to get into what is none of your business!" He warned, pointing at him with contempt, adding that he imagined that he betrayed all that for which he swore never to live again.

Takano looked at him with resentment, having put his hand in the place where Onodera hit him.

"Why?" He asked confused, unable to assimilate Onodera's action.

"Learn to respect my decisions," Onodera said firmly, stomping. "You always apprehend me, but this time you won't get an answer from me."

"You loved me a week ago," he replied, babbling. "What got into your head? Love doesn't end so fast, you know it, Ritsu"

"I know." He nodded presumptuously, crossing his arms, letting his waist recharge in zinc. "But, it is up to me to have complete control of my feelings, which apparently I was not aware of before, but in the time I was thinking about it I have come to the conclusion that I do not want to have a relationship with you "

Takano's silence was evident, as if he had seen a ghost. Onodera seeing this, decided to give an end to the conversation, giving him his best wishes and blessings before leaving the bathroom, thanking him for the moments they spent together and that he hoped their past relationship would not be affected by the work.

He left the bathroom, resigned from having the need to look back, since looking back meant regretting his already proposed goal.

Besides, he no longer had nothing to lose.

* * *

That day he left work early, but before going to the subway station, he remembered that he needed to visit the Marimo bookstore since there was a book he wanted to buy, so that his personal library would grow. Lately, he had drawn attention to collecting classic books, since contemporaries were not his style, in addition to editing Shojo manga for girls and those were not his favorite literary tastes, but the classics.

The Marimo bookstore was one of their favorites, because they had the best repertoire of books, both modern and old, even Shonen manga to the Shojo, etc. The variety was endless.

He went to the bookstore with the intention of buying the book, but also to distract himself, since his meeting with Takano that same day had been tired, even for him.

Entering the bookstore he saw a world of people, surrounding each and every one of the sections that the establishment had; He was surprised to see more women than men in the audience. How strange, he told himself,_ I usually see more men in bookstores than women, _he frowned, confused, _why this change?_

It was not to discriminate, but seeing so many women in a bookstore seemed extremely strange, although the number of women in an establishment did not mean that it was a bad thing, that is, that anyone can go to acquire a book without any problem, always and when they read it.

_I mean, obviously I don't oppose, on the contrary, I would say that the girls come to buy a manga, maybe that's why there are too many corners in the Shoujo manga section_. He supposed.

And he wasn't wrong, because when passing through the manga section Shoujo he saw a row of women gathered to buy the new volume of a manga; more specifically a manga edited by his partner: Kisa Shouta.

In itself, Kisa Shouta edited good mangas, and like his other coworkers, they edited excellent manga made by extraordinary authors, however, he hardly had to have a list of the many projects he had been part of, due to his short experience as an editor, and because he was not interested in the manga for the female audience.

Correction, for any type of public.

* * *

He went to the classic novels section, maintaining his serious attitude, and with a better posture compared to what he used to have during work hours.

He leafed through some copies, until he found one that caught his attention: "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen.

It seemed strange to him to choose a book that was directed, according to him, to the feminine gender, but the narrative and the eloquence of words of the novel left him perplexed, and before such things there was no way to refuse to add that book to his collection of classic novels .

He gave it a flip again to be completely sure of his choice.

_Perfect! _He sang for himself with victory in his voice. _I have found something worth reading._

He held the book in his hands, rocking his head with a smile planted on his youthful face, not noticing the employee who would soon attend.

"I take this book," He said, extending the copy to the box. He saw that the figure behind the employee seemed familiar, but it did not take much importance, until he turned in a turn of one hundred and eighty degrees.

"Would it be all?"

The air escaped from his lungs in a violent jolt, his brain was paralyzed by the impression and his calm face was deformed until it seemed that he had just seen a monster.

"You!" He articulated, pointing to the employee in panic.

"You!" He said, incredulous to see Onodera in front of him.

"Yu-Yukina!" Onodera said, gesturing vehemently the letters that his throat expressed.

"Onodera!" He replied, recovering the composure he had just lost when he saw the young man who had stolen his heart. "I didn't think I would see you here."

"What are you doing here?" He snorted immediately, almost screaming.

"I work here," he replied immediately, stumbling a little. "Em, and you?"

"Em, well, I" He turned his eyes everywhere trying to find an excuse, or a quick solution to run from there, but he did not take courage to do so, so he simply told the truth. "I came to buy a book," he said dryly.

"Yes, I know." He nodded smiling, having recovered from the surprise. "And from what I see, you have a peculiar taste for classic novels," he commented, looking closely at Jane Austen's copy. "I read this book when I was in high school, I say it's not much since I left there, I'm barely twenty-one." He chuckled, softening his peaceful gaze, centered on Onodera.

"I've never read it before." He accepted, despite his own pride, he had to admit something that was difficult for him to express with anyone, especially with Takano, but this wasn't about Takano, but Yukina. Someone completely different from his predecessor.

"It's extraordinary," he admitted in amazement. "I loved it! I couldn't stop reading from the first page"

"Well, thanks for your opinion," Onodera said unwilling to have a conversation. "You can charge it for me, I'll pay it with yen."

"Ah! Yes, of course," He said without a doubt he charged the book and returned his change properly, thus keeping the acquisition in a plastic bag. "Here you go." He handed the bag with a polite smile.

Onodera's chest contracted causing his heart to skip a beat, raising those curious sensations that fluttered in his stomach like a sea of butterflies tickling him.

He held his breath feeling strange, as if he had something foreign in his body that adhered to his skin like indelible ink.

Yukina's gesture corresponded and he grabbed the bag with both hands, swallowing indiscreetly, and sidelong, he smothered Yukina's smile like a beam of light shining incandescent.

How to hate him if he wasn't to blame for what was going on inside him?

"Thank you," he muttered with a fake, easy smile, he would say.

When he made that gesture, a hunch made him think that something was wrong.

He was being sparing, indifferent, and that was not his true essence; That was not the true Onodera Ritsu. The Onodera Ritsu who fell in love with Takano Masamune at age 15, that sweet and tender boy he once was.

"Onodera," Yukina mentioned her name with respect. "As an employee here I have to offer you the library membership that will discount 25% of your next purchase if you subscribe, in case you want to acquire it" He offered as if it were a monologue, but still, you could tell he was not willing to let him go so soon.

It seemed that Yukina was looking for a way to prolong a meeting like the one they lived in flesh and blood. A meeting that could well be called casualty.

"I'm not interested in having a membership." Onodera dismissed the idea of the offer. "But," he said, pausing to give himself time for what he would say. "I appreciate your offering, however, I will anticipate coming to this bookstore more often."

"Huh?" Yukina sighed in surprise.

"Maybe I'll add some books to my personal library," he said, blushing gradually, feeling the heat of his body rising. "But I don't know what books to buy, any suggestions?" He looked at Yukina with a help sign in his eyes.

Yukina gaped at him, trying to assimilate Onodera's words, but above all, his intentions.

He supposed that he also wanted to prolong time together and in his own way he was trying to do it, trying to make an effort to get to know him better, and that pleased him very much.

"Yes!" He replied happily. "I have many suggestions, it just depends on your tastes"

Onodera smiled sideways, at the same time that he felt he would pass out right there, since his body temperature was at a break and his calm was more than a mess. There was no doubt that he was getting to a point of no return, whose opportunity was presented in a silver tray.

Missing opportunities was not an option.

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**P.S.**We can see that Ritsu is changing and encouraging himself to take a step forward with Yukina, who knows what can happen?


	9. I feel like I begun to live

**"I feel like I have begun to live"**

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"Well," Onodera chuckled, eyes closed; then he opened them and added. "See you" He almost turned when:

"Wait!" Yukina raised his hand, trying to reach him.

"What?" He inquired, feeling that his chest was jumping like festival music.

"Will I see you on Friday?" He asked doubtfully, showing in his eyes an expression of hope that was undeniable for him.

Surrendered to any feeling, he nodded slightly, barely feeling sane with himself.

"Good!" Yukina exclaimed smiling. "Nice to know, well, then I'll see you on Friday"

"Of course." He stuttered, looking down, giggling. "I'll see you then." He heard himself say.

He left the bookstore holding in his right hand the plastic bag, momentarily uninhibited by what he had just experienced, having barely noticed that he was recovering from a loving disappointment, and now he was talking to a stranger who made him behave strangely.

He squeezed the bag, looking at the dark sky without stars.

Meeting Yukina was no accident, just as meeting him that day in the park was not.

Everything is related to the line of destiny, and with that one could not play at will, rather than flow with its course.

Without further ado, he left the place, suppressing a mischievous smile on his face.

Forgetting Takano, in his opinion, was beginning to be a simple task.

* * *

He did not often reflect on the circumstances in which life had forced him to deal with, although he was not ready to face various situations, but not before having more errors than successes in the range of experiences.

His level of maturity was low, especially in regard to his love life. His intellectual capacity for literature was impeccable, being an editor who demands himself too much to have a perfect and brilliant job.

But, when aspects of his life he didn't stand out in any, not even in his personal cleanliness, because it was a fiasco to have his own department organized.

He was well aware that at some point in his twenty-five years he would feel the need for emotional stability, also adding economical stability.

However, unfortunately the direction he had of his goals was far from his reach, so regretting the loss of time in which he submitted his love affairs was about to conclude that it was too late.

Now that he thought about his mistake in detail, he didn't want to hit his head until he was unconscious.

It didn't fit in his head that he fell twice with the same stone thanks to his immaturity, although he also had to see that he was kind to people. In itself, they took advantage of his goodness to take advantage of his talents as an editor, or to criticize him for being the sole heir of the Onodera editorial

He supposed, while he was having dinner alone in his apartment, that it would not hurt him to propose to be the heir of his family's editorial business, because he could provide good ideas to his peers and also, to succeed in the process, however, it was very soon to take charge of the matter, so he shouldn't rush into being a boss.

With hard jobs he was employed.

Being a Boss he would be a total mess.

* * *

The next day he went to work, he was dressed even more modern than the day before. Similar to a K-pop music model. He wore a faded blue short-sleeved shirt, a dark tan leather jacket, the same boots from the previous day and tight jeans that gave him the image of having a pair of longer legs as they normally look.

He looked in the mirror before leaving, smiling at himself with his look.

He felt that he dressed like someone younger, since he always dressed very old-fashioned for his taste.

He felt like he was starting to live.

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**P.S.** A short chapter but I hope it is good, in addition, I will soon upload a few longer ones so that the wait is not much.


	10. The alchemy of my feelings

**"The alchemy of my feelings"**

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The experiments and wanderings of the adult mind only distracted him from the blissful and frustrating job of correcting Shoujo sleeves. He had no words to describe the firm tiredness that caused him to see a copy of them; No matter the title or the plot, what caused so much anger was that he did not enjoy reading love stories so cliché and far-fetched that ultimately they ended up being unreal. Inconceivable.

That same day he wanted to pour those annoying feelings by writing about anything other than the shoujo manga. And when he said anyone, it was anyone!

Onodera Ritsu did not work excessive hours of working hours to correct cliché drawings and dialogues in order to be read by young readers eager for love.

_Gross!_ He said repudiating the manga he just corrected, another new volume of Mutou-sensei. He found himself writing his deplorable thoughts of anger, purifying each of his sensations in the navy notebook he had just acquired at a school supply store that was left in the district.

Being honest with himself, he never thought he got to that point where he "Loved" in the office in some way. He never thought it conceivable.

And now that he thought clearly through the words he expressed on paper, he didn't enjoy his work at all.

He felt discomfort, uselessness, to the unknown atmosphere that consisted of an office of shoujo manga editors. Always that annoying word "shoujo"!

How angry he was to hear the letters of that word.

How much anger he felt every time he heard her and that they proclaimed her in the office, but he was more angry to hear her coming from Takano's mouth.

He squeezed the pen he used to write his thoughts tightly. It was not in his mind how he endured so much abuse and abuse by him in order to prove to himself that he had value as an editor.

A chemical reaction seemed to arise from his chest, an immeasurable heat poured into disdainful caliber, forming as a breeding ground to the point of boiling and eroding everything in its path.

Those feelings that he had been feeling for some time did not usually express them to someone, much less Takano, who is his ex-boyfriend. With whom he once saw possible to tell his feelings about the shoujo manga, but a part of him prevented him from doing so.

Maybe Takano wasn't the one to hear him properly. Maybe he never was…

He threw a frustrated punch on the desk, and a firm stomp discharging a small cluster of energy concentrated in his body.

"Ricchan!" Kisa exclaimed in surprise.

"Save the comments, Kisa" He spoke immediately, not wanting to deal with the comments he would surely make. "I'm not in the mood to hear them"

He needed to keep writing until he ran out of doll to do it, until the ink ran out, until his mind went blank, until the alchemy of life became an intangible and invisible mixture for the sight of his former love of High school, until he could finally let it go… until nothing was worth it around Takano.

Until he could finally be free.

Until he stopped feeling that pain that still contracted his chest when Takano appeared in front of him.

Until nothing matters anymore.

Until nothing was consummated into nothing, and that nothing was something that allowed him to be him.

Until he can be happy.

* * *

"Onodera," Takano called him when the break time was over.

He obeyed and went to see him.

"Yes?" He muttered, letting out a sigh.

"You improved a lot at work," he said with a hint of authority. "Although I can't say it's perfect, but it does go through my judgment, so I'll give you another job."

A weight vanished from his back. At last he had been able to finish the work he had so much care to do.

"What's the new job?" He asked to know, changing his frown to a kind gesture, this caused a sly smile on his boss.

Onodera erased the kind expression on his face, cursing himself being so kind to everyone.

"Look, Satou-sensei has a new manga." He let him know, adjusting his glasses automatically. "She has sent this morning the new designs of the characters and they have passed my supervision, what corresponds to you is to contact her and ask her to please send you the sketches of the first chapter, I need a writing where you place your observations, and give it to me early tomorrow" The last one sounded like a threat (typical of Takano). After a silence, he added. "Was it clear?" He lowered his head, focusing his gaze on him, slightly dropping his glasses where they bordered his nose.

"More than clear" He grumbled determinedly. "Anything else?" He asked haughty, wrinkling his eyebrows.

"It would be all," he said wryly. Something in that irony didn't give him confidence.

Turning, he took him by the wrist, but Onodera refused to look at him. He didn't want to see his flirtatious face, he didn't want to imagine the things that went through Takano's mind. _Sure they will be weird things_, he supposed in his mind.

"Any eventuality or doubt you have" He began to say. "You know you can come to my apartment to solve all your doubts"

Onodera nodded selflessly, avoiding the direct grip Takano exercised with his hand.

"I'll be waiting for you," He added with second intentions, he hadn't doubted that.

Takano's perverted mind could be read to any instance in which he spoke or hinted at Onodera, and only at Onodera.

"Don't expect anything," he snapped dry, giving her a hostile look.

_I will no longer fall for you, Takano,_

_Don't expect anything from me._

* * *

That afternoon he dedicated himself to do the work that Takano commissioned him, sighing and meditating on the encounter he had with Yukina in the Marimo bookstore.

He rocked his hair when he felt that the stinging of his hands was thus an impediment to continue working normally; however, to his misfortune, his mind didn't remain calm no matter how hard he was to not be distracted in Yukina.

He remembered it so vividly in his mind, stirring in every fold, in every corner of his memories a vibration. A vivid image in which a young man was smiling at him with that aura that surrounded him, making Onodera unable to restrict himself from wanting to smile equally.

A wild alchemy originated, a feeling settled in his being and did not seem to escape him soon.

He sighed vaguely.

He could no longer eliminate Yukina Kou from his thoughts.


	11. Crescent reaction

**"Crescent reaction"**

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Friday had arrived, the sunny and windy morning roamed the streets of Tokyo in a blink.

Fridays were usually the day of the editors' delivery dates, the tense atmosphere of the office turned out to be chaos.

For Onodera Ritsu, dealing with it always ended up about to go to the hospital because of the collapse of working so hard.

"Ricchan," Kisa called him with blinking eyes.

"Yes?" He replied with a nod.

"May I know where you get those modern outfits?" He asked curiously, staring at him with an expectorant attitude.

"Am," he blew trying to say a coherent answer. "Well, from internet images"

"Internet images?" He repeated incredulously. "Internet images only? Or something else?"

"No, just internet images."

"Then you have social networks" He muttered under his breath, assuming.

"Obviously" He snapped offended. If he dressed outdated, but had no habits of someone from the last century.

"I have Instagram and Facebook," Kisa commented, not realizing that he had offended Onodera's pride. "In case you like to add me"

"I don't believe"

He stretched out his arm, letting out a stuck yawn, deterring the tension that ran down his back.

"What social networks do you have?" He interrogated him awkwardly again.

Onodera growled and sighed drowsily. You could tell that his co-worker was flirting with him that neither what.

"Facebook" he replied impartially, seeing him from the corner of his eye. "And Instagram, but I don't use that one"

"Can I add you on Facebook?"

"As you like, really" He said, not fully aware of what he said, although his co-worker didn't dislike him, the problem was that he wasn't attracted to him.

"Are you like Onodera Ritsu?" He asked as he took his phone by getting into the Facebook application to add it.

"No" He denied lowering his voice, without removing the recurring tone. "I'm like Oda Ritsu"

"Okay." He nodded motivated to look for him.

"Don't talk to me for work reasons," He reiterated referring to adding it to the social network. "Don't send me messages either, thinking I'll answer you right away."

"Oh, yes," He said without paying attention, detail that offended him. "I know you are a busy man"

"Busy living the life of a rich boy," Yokozawa's voice appeared with presence, causing both to tense up in fright.

That grumpy bear appeared in the least expected circumstances.

"Yokozawa-san," Onodera said, still tense of his presence. "What are you doing here?"

"You know that motive well." He growled in his direction, looking at him contemptuously: A clear sign that he repudiated seeing him.

"Of course." He nodded knowing that the only reason he would go to the Esmeralda editorial was to see Takano specifically. "Take the time you want"

Yokozawa was amazed for a moment, and he could tell that because his eyes widened in surprise, although he quickly recovered from the movement.

"You don't need to tell me." He snorted in outrageous gesture, shoving both hands into his pockets, turning his head away. "Anyway, talking to you is a waste of my valuable time."

"And mine," Onodera added confidently, raising both eyebrows so that he didn't care what he did, but that he was beginning to care to see him next to Takano.

He also managed to see the bulging eyes of Kisa, who watched him in admiration, for his new style of handling situations, even though he only made a change in his wardrobe and in his romantic interest. It is not a great personal change.

"I'm leaving," Yokozawa said, heading towards Takano without speaking again.

This caused Onodera a great pleasure for being daring and not being dominated by proud men like him.

"Ricchan," Kisa said her name in a sigh. "You're great! What you did with Yokozawa-san nobody would have dared to challenge him as you did"

"Oh, well." He chuckled, a little nervous. "I just try not to let others bully me."

"It doesn't matter," He replied. "Seeing you treat Yokozawa-san that way, it was amazing!"

"Thank you" He said modestly, sketching a sideways smile.

_I'm starting to grow as it should_, he sang.

* * *

Leaving work, he saw that it was after eight o'clock at night.

_Ah…_ he sighed shrugging his shoulders in a defeated pose; he would not be able to see Yukina sing because he only played at seven in the afternoon of every Friday.

Without further ado, he headed towards the park to remind himself of how he got there last week and how easily he had been interested in the young man.

Without grief or glory, he arrived at the public park ten to nine. An hour not too late to rest, even when the spring airs were coming, the cold was still surrounding, also freezing the small and defenseless body of Onodera Ritsu.

He couldn't help shivering in the cold despite wearing a jacket.

He passed around the park in its entirety, noting that there were no traces that Yukina was singing and the people who were going to see him were also not present.

Disappointment was what he felt, an aggravating disappointment.

He lowered his head in total defeat, walking dragging his feet.

"Onodera." A voice he barely knew called him, making him look up.

"Yu-Yukina" He pronounced his name, without hiding his surprise. "What-what are you doing here?"

"I waited for you," He replied simply, as if it were the most obvious thing he would do.

He was dressed in a military green coat that reached to his knees, a black linen long-sleeved shirt with details on top of other skin that made figures of flower branches torn from the ground, some white Adidas sneakers with the typical three lines of the shoe brand. He carried the guitar on his back and the horn carried it in his hand.

"Why?" He articulated still surprised to see him appear just like that.

"Because I wanted to do it," He said clearly, letting him know that he wanted him to approach. "I said I wanted to know you, and I'm a man of my word" He said. "And I had a hunch telling me that maybe you would come here, so I decided to wait for you"

Onodera remained static, watching carefully the stylized figure of the young Yukina, the one who made his heart pound.

It was an involuntary reflex, a growing reaction.

"I see" He nodded, approaching Yukina as a fearful prey to be eaten by the predator. "There was no need to wait for me, you could have left."

"I wouldn't do that" He said unimportantly. "Besides, I was intrigued to know how your reading went with the book you bought." He commented with emotion contained in his face, even though he tried to hide it so as not to bother Onodera, he could notice it perfectly well.

"My reading" He said in a decadent sigh. "I haven't read it."

"Why?" He snapped open-mouthed, expanding the orbs of his honey-colored eyes.

"I've had a lot of work," He complained, pouting. "It hasn't given me time to even clean my apartment."

"Are you very disorganized, Onodera?" Yukina asked interestedly.

"Sometimes" He said crammed.

"I am a perfect householder" He smiled, and it seemed that stars were coming out around his head. "My apartment is always impeccable."

"Conceited" Onodera complained beneath his breath.

"It's true!" Yukina snapped, wrinkling his nose like a stubborn child. "Cleanliness should be considered a virtue, is what I always say"

"Sounds like a joke" He scoffed, showing his teeth in a mock smile.

"It may be such a virtue." He continued in extension. "I don't say we should all have it, but it can be considered as one because it's essential for survival, just as patience is a virtue, you can't look for me a negative way, Onodera"

"I am not opposed to saying that patience is itself a virtue in its entirety" He said solemnly. "Although, I believe that personal hygiene is a better candidate to be a required virtue for survival"

"That's a good argument, Onodera." Yukina praised, without wiping the smile from his face. "I think you are very intelligent and incredible"

"Well ..." His voice went out of control, showing a slight blush on his scarlet cheeks.

"You are an incredible man!" He said whistling, showing his great strides on the sidewalk where they were waiting for the traffic light to turn green to cross the street. "I can't say much about myself because I'm still too young."

"You are" He grumbled, having recovered his voice, and after a brief silence from Yukina, the atmosphere surrounding the two men became calm. "You lack experiences to be able to forge your character"

"Yes, they tell me often" He said with a hint of sadness. "Because they still see me as a child"

"You are" Onodera reaffirmed.

The traffic light turned green and they both began to walk across the street, where shops and restaurants were open in the area.

Yukina made a face of disgust, somewhat disappointed.

"But being twenty-one is nothing to feel less about," Onodera replied trying to remedy the situation. "On the contrary, it is an age full of youth and illusions, so you shouldn't feel bad about having your character forged in its entirety."

"Do you think?" He turned to look at him with an expectant look, reflecting in his eyes an ephemeral illusion.

He, embarrassed, nodded.

"It makes me feel better" He replied, drawing an innocent smile. "And more because you told me"

A visible blush appeared on Onodera's cheeks, who didn't flinch in hiding as aggressively as with his ancestor love (in this case in Takano).

Despite having blushed, he didn't choose the stubborn attitude with which he used to go when things began to get out of hand, but curiously in this case, he didn't see the extreme need to require such circumstances.

"An apology if I said something that bothered you" Yukina said sorry for his part; Onodera when he saw this, he noticed that in Yukina's face there was fear of his reaction, fear that defined that perhaps he was not the trustworthy man he met last week, but a man like any other, but with good qualities and an attitude that would leave stunned a proud man like himself. "I think I got carried away by the excitement and told you something you probably didn't like at all, and if so, can you let me know so I won't repeat again" He clarified.

He analyzed him with the look on the corner, reserving himself to be reckless, as it once was.

"Don't apologize." He tried to smile sideways, but the result was not beneficial. "Everything is fine from me"

"Ah!" He exclaimed in relief. "Good!" He let out a mischievous giggle, shrugging. "So, do you think can go for dinner?" He suggested changing the subject, raising his eyebrows in a motivational gesture. "I know good places around here that you may like"

"Are you inviting me to dinner with you?" Onodera asked, scrutinizing.

He nodded.

_It will not be a date? _He could feel his legs shake, and his body wobble.


	12. Being with you I approach you

**"Being with you I approach you"**

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"I imagine you're going to be hungry," Yukina supposed, putting a hand to his chin, as a sign of thinking more in detail. "After a heavy day of workday"

"This, well," Onodera stuttered, rushing into a relatively advanced situation, despite having been meeting Yukina for a short time. Maybe Takano was right to tell him that he drew hasty conclusions even though things probably didn't lead to such extremes.

"If you don't want to, that's fine for me," He said, approvingly. "But, if you already ate, you can still tell me; all I want is not to bother you in any way, that is, I want you to feel comfortable."

"No-I haven't eaten," he hesitated, releasing a nervous giggle as he looked down at the sidewalk.

"So, can I choose where we can have dinner?" He suggested cheerfully.

Onodera, with no choice, nodded, feeling the blush reach his cheeks.

"Okay!" He smiled motivated. "What kind of food do you like, Onodera?"

"Whatever is fine" He muttered seriously, looking up a few inches.

"Me too,"Yukina chanted. "I like anything, although food that I dislike there is nothing in particular"

"The same thing happens to me," Onodera snorted, noting that there was a certain chemistry between them. "But don't choose something that damages my stomach," he warned, frowning.

"Of course not" Yukina said alarmed. "I wouldn't dare do that to you."

"Ah…" He gasped stuttering unintelligibly, feeling the impotence of speaking or being able to articulate something cohesive and coherent with vehemence, but suddenly, nothing came out. His mouth remained semi open.

It had been many years since he blushed so much for one person.

He had not felt so many sensations accumulated in his chest for a long time.

"Look," Yukina said, catching his attention, pointing toward a familiar-looking place. "That's a restaurant where families usually go a lot." He paused briefly, before saying. "How about going there?"

Onodera when he saw it, it seemed to him that it was not a place that didn't suggest things suggestive to the eye, however, a part of him encouraged him to take the reins of living with the young man, but the other rational part told him to take things calmly and act in due time.

Now was not the right time to flutter without thinking, but it was the moment that he had to know him thoroughly, to know if he was the right boy for him and above all, if he would be a good couple to respect him and give him his place .

What Onodera was looking for was an equanimous relationship of emotional stability. Not a toxic relationship like the one he had with the above, the nameless…

"Yes, that's fine." He agreed, after a period in which he couldn't articulate any word.

"Ok, let's go"

* * *

Once they were given the table, they sat down so that they could see each other in the face.

The atmosphere was familiar, warm and took off a delicious smell of home made food.

The various bursts of colors settled in one place seemed to indicate that it could be a family restaurant, as Yukina described it when he suggested it.

"I like this place a lot to eat," Yukina let him know, smiling as if he were a small child waiting for the entrance to an amusement park. "It's Mexican food, my favorite!" He sang in great joy, trampling the floor anxiously.

"Do you like eating here so much?" Onodera said questioningly. Seeing him nod, he added: "Then you do have a type of food that you like more than the others." He assumed vehemently, drumming his fingers on the table. "A while ago you said you like any kind of food, but I see that you do have a particular taste for Mexican food"

Yukina looked at him attentively, impregnated with infantilism and an artistic maturity reflected on his face, such that he shook the young editor.

How easily did he captivate him without trying?

"You can put it that way" He said. "I frequent this restaurant a lot because the food is very good, and the family atmosphere is nice to see and hear"

"I see," Onodera muttered under his breath, rubbing his fingers in friction. It was difficult for him to seek a topic of conversation with Yukina, since he didn't know the character of the young man with caramel hair, or his tastes in particular, he would not be intimidated by the question that he looked much more experienced than himself, As for starting a conversation. "Then," he spoke concisely. "What do you suggest is good on the menu?"

"Everything is delicious," he replied, ejecting emotion and joy from his face that seemed to light up just by "seeing" the menu (although he saw someone standing in front of him with great care not to be too obvious in his action, despite feeling happy for have him close). "But, I warn you that some things are very spicy, and in case you don't like spicy, there are other options at the back of the menu." He let him know, showing him the mentioned part of the menu with his index finger, pointing out some options. that will not bind the spicy at any time.

"No, I don't do spicy," Onodera told him, looking at the dishes that didn't contain hot pepper for his delicate palate. "And neither of liquor," he warned, bearing an awkward expression as he remembered the times he had gotten drunk in the face of his acquaintances and seeing him make a fool of himself meant the always shame behind him.

"Oh, I'm not drinking alcohol either."

"What?" Onodera looked up, having noticed that he was looking at him smilingly, but containing a hint of desire in a very deep part of his eyes.

"I don't like the effects that alcohol has on people" He said, flipping through the menu in detail. "But, it's something that adult people consume often, so one day I will have to see myself in the need to try it at some point in my life." He laughed alone, closing his eyes, thus denoting his delicate features and at the same time, manly who constituted his person.

"Don't see yourself in the urge to do it," Onodera warned. "I don't suggest that you do it if it's not necessary, you better replace it with something healthier."

"You're right" He added cheerfully.

In that the waitress came to attend them, both asked for their order, and the waitress with a kind smile withdrew to give them their space.

When the order arrived, Onodera inspected his dish with vehemence and content, scrupulously analyzing a totally different cuisine from the Japanese, that is, the one he was used to trying.

Yukina, aware of this, dared to ask what his fear of trying the dish was, to which he replied:

"It's nothing!" He snapped awkwardly.

"They're beef flautas." He gave him a solemn look, letting him see how they ate, and that he had asked for them less spicy than they already were so he wouldn't fight to digest them. "You eat them with your hand, not with cutlery."

"Oh, really?" He made a surprised gesture.

"Yes," Yukina nodded, drawing a confident smile.

After having eaten and paid the bill, the two men left the restaurant at 10 p.m.

The fresh wind snorted from the dark shadow coming from the public park, the lights on illuminated the path on the sidewalk, adding that the streets of Tokyo could be seen with greater boom thanks to the lighting of the premises and on the part of the cars that passed at all times.

Onodera had finished with a full stomach, having finished all his dish due to the great hunger he had after having lasted several hours without eating food.

However, he supposed it was the right time for both of them to separate, since he didn't see a credible excuse for the two to follow together.

He regarded it as an abuse of Yukina's good intentions, which didn't seem to want to be separated soon, because he saw him very relaxed walking and watching with a smile the locals and the people passing by.

Truly that boy was pure, compared to him. A poor rotten man for a love that ended in vain.

"I think that from here I can go to my apartment" He warned, pretending a polite smile.

"What?" Yukina stopped, taken off guard. "Oh! Go to your apartment" He reacted, telling Onodera that he probably got him out of his trance. "Of course, I accompany you." He offered.

"No!" He grumbled, flushed at his hasty offer. "I can go alone"

"Well, at least I can accompany you to the subway station" He suggested persuasively, determined not to take a "no" for an answer. "What do you think?"

Onodera sighed, shrugging.

Without hesitation, he agreed to Yukina's request.

Onodera was totally surrendered to his charms.

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	13. Hopping to see you again

**"Hopping to see you again"**

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"Do you live very far from here?" Yukina asked.

"What?" Onodera stammered, almost losing his temper of how to speak. "No!" He said, his voice rising.

"Okay" He said accompanied by a shake of the head. "I won't take you that long," he said determinedly. "Onodera deserves to have a good rest after a hard work week, doesn't he?" He smiled at him.

"Well, yes" He snorted with a shrug, feeling the tiredness take over him slowly, but that didn't stop him from enjoying, somehow, the company of young Yukina. "Didn't you have a heavy week?" He regretted having sounded so interested in him question, if he wasn't that way.

Apparently Yukina didn't care, what's more, he left it unnoticed.

"Yes" He replied. "I work from Monday to Thursday in the bookstore and on those days I also have classes in the morning, on Fridays I start singing in the park at 7 in the afternoon, and I go to the gym on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday"

_Wait ... gym ?!_

No wonder he looked muscular, even if he didn't admit it openly. Onodera had previously considered that this was because Yukina was not a conceited man, much less superficial, so therefore saying it with such intentions did not seem to be a set of her personality.

Yukina noticing his silence, decided to add:

"I like going to the gym because it is essential for health" He said. "Also, I am distracted from the day-to-day duties, which are sometimes difficult to deal with." He gave an overwhelmed breath. "But I am not complaining about what I am doing, on the contrary, I must take advantage of the fact that I am still young to do everything I like" He concluded with satisfaction.

The only thing Onodera could do was observe him moved, but he in his foolishness wanted to convince himself that perhaps that was not love, that perhaps his heart was beating for any other nonsense than being with him, but nothing provided an excusable reason to leave at the heart of the matter. No justification would be sufficient to deny what he was feeling inside him.

"And what about you, Onodera?" Yukina asked him, somewhat surprised at his silence.

It is that this silence was not normal in him.

No, nothing he was doing was normal.

"About what?"

"What are your hobbies?" He asked in an interested tone, raising his eyebrows.

"I don't have hobbies" He grumbled like a scolded child, pouting and biting his lower lip.

"I think you do have" He said. "But, you are not aware of them"

"S-sorry?" He snapped, stumbling with his tongue. _Dammit! _Again he was jamming his own voice as if he had lost the ability to speak.

"I just said my opinion" He clarified, clearing his throat politely.

How elegant could that boy be!

He looked like an unarmored knight.

"I don't have hobbies." He gritted his teeth, frowning severely. "And I'm not interested in having one"

"Reading is a hobby" Yukina added mischievously.

"Ugh." He gave an annoyed growl at being corrected, or rather, at being so unconscious even for his things.

Surely he was giving Yukina a terrible impression of himself.

What a shame!

"Easy, Onodera." He dissuaded his hand into the air as a sign to remain calm. "I'm not judging you"

"Hey!" He exclaimed in alarm.

"Easy." He cut him off, looking curiously relaxed. "You tell me what you want me to know about you, so you won't have to worry about the rest"

From there, the conversation became less tense, at least on the part of Onodera that was the case, however, he was able to discover certain moments when his bright companion behaved like a good listener, and simply let it flow.

When before Onodera saw everything unseemly, Yukina could see the light within the inner turbulence that reigned in Onodera.

At the end of the conversation between them, Yukina left him at the subway station stop, just as he had said, and since he was also a man of his word, he left him with a good impression of himself.

They left with the words "See you soon" and with that, he saw him retreat among the cloud of people who walked through the station in search of his stop.

When she stopped following him, a strange oppression invaded his chest, similar to a piercing piercing in the body by a knife.

The edge pierced him straight to the heart in a hearth of emotions that floated like cherry petals flying on the sidewalks of Japan in the spring season.

This was how Onodera Ritsu felt when he saw Yukina leave his sight.

* * *

And that was how it happened if a bitter weekend enduring the constant harassment of Takano, furiously knocking on the door of his apartment at every moment, and no matter how careful he was not to make any noise, it was beside the point that he knew that Takano managed to hear him.

When he heard the knock on the door, he recoiled in panic.

That attitude was becoming a habit, something usual for him to do.

However, he managed to get in contact with Satou-sensei and did much of the work Takano had asked him to have him first thing; It was beside the point, to do the best he could, since if Takano did not like the job, surely he would put his hands on his clothes to achieve a reaction in him that pleased him, but that for him would not be a pleasant feeling.

He hated that Takano began to subject him to sensations that although they were annoying, but it was worth mentioning that he did not respect him, so feeling mere pleasure when he touched him, was far from being a possibility.

Takano was the simplification of what was referred to as toxic.

So as a toxic element, he had to get away and run away from it, to avoid toxicity in his system.

Part of that assumption was living.

Therefore, Ritsu devoted himself to writing in his notebook constantly; sometimes scratching the words he didn't like, sometimes underlining what was important to him.

The more he purified his feelings, the better he felt; in a way, he considered it an alternative therapy, which in the long run provided a benefit to his mood.

It was optimally important not to let his emotional side bring out the worst in him, so squeezing every last drop of his brain took a lot of effort, as well as time.

Every time he wrote that weekend, his head filled with Yukina's different smiles; some resplendent, some a little shy, others smiling, some flirtatious, and others warmer than the previous ones.

No matter what smile formed on his lips, each and every one of them made his heart skip a beat and jump violently from his chest. Her stomach fluttered, her hands trembled with excitement, her face reddened as much as possible.

His minimized world was affected by adapting to a new motivation.

In this case, a person.

Onodera kept seeing the vivid images of Yukina pass through his memory, flagellating himself in the dim light of his brain, implanting himself there so as not to leave it.

Yukina's smile made him change color.

"This can't be happening to me" He muttered under his breath, anchoring his hands to his bedroom desk. He felt his cheeks burning, as if they were burning.

How annoying these feelings could be for Onodera, but he did not deny that they were pleasant to him to go on, to continue writing on paper and to supplant what strong intentions on it until he divested himself of the memory of Takano.

Why did his heart play with its brain?

Why did you feel hot when you thought about Yukina?

Onodera held up a hand, rocking his hair, resenting the tightness in his chest that fluttered in mere electricity all over his body.

And he knew it was the alchemy of his wild feelings. The reaction that would not stop growing, because it would continue expanding and extending towards an eternal return.

He clicked his tongue, placing both hands on the desk, completely surrendered to his feelings, thinking:

_I look forward to seeing you again, Yukina ..._


	14. The puzzle of your personality

**"The puzzle of your personality"**

_"Somebody has told me that loneliness hides behind your eyes"_

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A miserable week had passed since he saw Yukina in the park. A miserable week for Onodera to endure.

His back ached, the black bags hanging from his eyes, his numb hands and his dry throat.

If he walked, he could swear that his feet were wedged into fossil remains, because if his truth were true, his legs would not react to orders to move them from the work chair.

They were anchored like a ship at rest.

He regretted his hostile state, since due to Takano and his constant labor demands, he had been sleeping absolutely nothing for three days. And when he meant nothing, it was Nothing!

Why did Takano grab it with him to get even? If he had Yokozawa.

In short, Takano had cheated on him with Yokozawa, also breaking his heart into a thousand pieces.

That was the reason why he was encouraged to cut off his courtship with Takano and start a new life.

Had he not made such a decision, he would still suffer for him like a complete fool.

And Onodera Ritsu wasn't a fool.

* * *

That night he left the editorial, shuffling his feet using what little energy was left in his body to support his weight.

Sometimes he had a strong desire to quit his job and take his position as the leader of the Onodera publishing house, but there was a drawback if he did: How to lead a publishing house if in his life he had led some renowned group?

_Pathetic,_ he told himself,_ I shouldn't feel pathetic right now, but what can be done about it? _The aforementioned lamented.

He passed unconsciously along the street where the Marimo bookstore was, since he had it memorized somewhere in his memory, never to forget the way.

Looking up, he looked at the huge bookstore and his heart contracted; He put a hand to his chest, feeling his breath catch, and eagerly, his unconscious longings gushed forth as pouring rain.

Those wishes sprouted nonstop.

Growing.

Growing.

They were sensations that got stuck in his clothes, if they were visible, but no, they were sensations that made him vibrate and shook his whole body in the turbulence of positive emotions that led to the named Yukina Kou.

Growing.

Growing.

They kept growing.

Feeling flushed, he went into the bookstore, nodding from exhaustion, but not undeterred in disguising it in arrogance; No, Onodera Ritsu was not like that, maybe her old way of being was, but her new way of being was beginning to take its own course.

He took small steps, feeling his hands vibrate, and his mind punctured in vestiges combined between pain and joy.

In that, he saw the origin of his crazy sensations: Yukina Kou.

Growing.

Growing.

His heart contracted again, and the air was missing.

"Onodera" Yukina greeted him glad to see him, finding him instantly in the huge bookstore. "How can I help you?" He positioned himself in front of him, putting both feet together. "By the way, how are you? How did your work go?"

Onodera looked at him, blushing deep inside.

"Fine" He articulated difficultly.

This seemed to worry Yukina, who didn't hesitate to bring his face closer to his, inspecting him carefully; He, on the other hand, stumbled inside, gasping out of his mouth.

"Are you okay?" Yukina asked, seriously concerned. "You look very tired, Onodera"

"I-I'm fine" He was able to tell him.

Did he stutter?

What a shame!

"Sorry" Onodera mused, clenching his teeth. "This, well, I" He couldn't find the words to tell him how much he wanted to see him, even if only for a few minutes of his day.

"Hm," Yukina pulled his face away, not looking convinced with his way of acting, so he put a finger to his chin thoughtfully. "My turn is about to end" He mentioned seriously. "If you don't mind, wait for me here so you don't get cold outside, I offer to take you home" He said willingly.

"It's not necessary" Onodera replied alarmed.

"It's not a nuisance to me" He replied confidently. "It doesn't give me peace of mind to know that you're going home in that state"

"Yukina, no" He said, but his voice came out different; his voice expressed a longing to be with him.

Yukina didn't seem to hear him, because at that moment, one of his coworkers spoke to him to help him load some boxes with new content.

"Wait here for me" He assured him. "It won't take me long, Onodera, I promise."

Onodera had no choice but to nod.

* * *

The waiting time was relatively short, and for Onodera waiting for Yukina was not a mistake. He knew it, as soon as he saw the bright smile that radiated from him, and he knew that he could not escape his charms.

"Did I make you wait long?" Yukina asked solemnly.

"No" He replied curtly, because he was intimidated by his presence.

"Apparently it's been cold" He commented, extending his hand to the air. "Although it will be March soon"

Onodera nodded uneasily, clenching his teeth.

"Onodera" He named him, catching his attention. "What weather do you like more? Winter or summer? Personally, I like the winter"

"I don't like any season of the year" He complained petulantly. This seemed not to affect Yukina, who kept his calm expression fixed on his face.

"Why?" He asked interested, something that caught Onodera off guard.

"Well, they make me annoyed" He said randomly. "And in none of them I feel comfortable, because I have to change my wardrobe"

"I see" He nodded, his lips pressed together. "You are very interesting, Onodera"

"What?" His voice stuttered as it caught in his throat. Interesting, him? He blushed instantly.

"I've never met anyone who hated the seasons of the year" He replied, amazed. "I ask all the people I have met, and most of them answer that they feel better about summer, others about spring, but that nobody likes the seasons of the year is quite an interesting answer" He said condescendingly. "After all, everyone can have their own judgment, there is no doubt about that"

Onodera glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, appreciating the delicate features that stood out on Yukina's face, and how they interested her so much to contemplate, knowing that he was looking reckless in doing so; In addition, Yukina was telling him something of his daily life, although he disliked the seasons of the year with greatness.

"The last time we spoke, you told me you had no hobby," Yukina recalled. "And I remembered that I didn't tell you all mine, does it bother you if I leave from where I stayed?" He suggested smiling.

"Go ahead" Onodera accommodated him, remaining flushed at his presence.

Why didn't the blush on his cheeks fade? It was so annoying!

"I like to read shoujo manga" He admitted openly. "Also the classic novels, especially the romantic ones. You can say that I am a romantic, and it doesn't offend me to know that" He assured optimistically. "Because as a child I have always been linked to romantic songs, eighties music, letters, poems" He listed with an expression of recapitulating. "And they are things that to me, personally, are enough to keep me happy with everything I do and with the person I have become"

"Romantic?" Onodera expressed with disgust.

"Yes, what's wrong?" Yukina said stubbornly. "It is not a crime to be interested in romance, it is a way of expressing affection"

"It doesn't seem enough to express affection to a person" Onodera said objectively.

"And what do you suggest to promote affection?" Yukina asked politely.

The question made him reflect a little on the events of his frugal life, and he concluded that the only way love arose in his life was through harassment.

He was terribly embarrassed, for having lived one of the experiences only lived once.

"Nothing" He said defeated.

Yukina frowned, taken by surprise.

"I don't think it's anything" He assured. "Affection is promoted through many forms, not only the classic romanticism that you surely know; I know a way in which I can express affection to you without having to write you a letter"

"What?" Onodera looked at him in surprise. "No-no" He tried to say, but Yukina had rolled up his scarf around his neck, and his entire face turned to pure concentration.

"Someone has told me that loneliness hides behind your eyes…" " He began to sing the song "Trátame suavemente" by Soda Stereo, wooing him with his best intentions, without erasing the smile from his face, making him shudder inside.

Yukina was confident, natural, indisputably amazing, while singing a cappella only for him.

Yukina didn't care if people looked at him with a look of disbelief or annoyance, because that didn't stop him from continuing to sing to him, exclusively to Onodera.

Suddenly, Yukina's eyes looked at him affectionately, and that was enough to make his heart skip a beat, and he contracted thus reacting to the demonstration by Yukina.

The sensations grew, expanded, referred to a dance without stopping to move inside him.

Growing.

Growing.

And without stopping growing.

_Yukina sings beautifully,_ he thought, _and he's doing it for me…_ his chest tightened and his ears turned red from the blush that had been dragging his cheeks with him for a long time.

Little by little he put together the puzzle that formed Yukina's personality.

And that made him very happy.

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**P.S.** (Mention to the song "Trátame suavemente" by Soda Stereo)


	15. The geometry of your perfection

**"The geometry of your perfection"**

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"I want you to treat me softly" Yukina emphasized, smiling pleasantly at him.

Onodera's skin burned with flames, for those extremes where he was totally enraptured in his song.

He saw him and when he looked at him, he kept thinking that he was perfect; without a doubt, he was perfection in every sense of the word, in all the tenderness that could exist in his reduced world of rubble.

Facing his sensations made Onodera fear, and a great fear that invaded a part of his brain imprisoned by a sea of thoughts that contradicted each other, and the cycle seemed to have no end.

And if that cycle disappeared, he could finally see everything with great quality.

He noticed when Yukina stopped singing to him, looked at him expectantly, rubbing his fingers together with some nervousness.

It was the first time (since she met him) that he was nervous.

A beautiful sight in the eyes of Onodera, who cleared her throat before saying his supposed opinion:

"You sing very well." His voice came out shaky, something he instantly regretted, but Yukina's calmness upon receiving the answer was beneficial to him.

"Thank you, Onodera." He smirked at his comment. "I really appreciate it!" He applauded victoriously, making way for his childish features that were still visible on his face, and it was a pleasant sight for Onodera, who caught a glimpse of him with his green eyes that spread out from his orbs.

"What do you say if I invite you to a coffee?" Yukina suggested energetically. "There are good cafes in this area, I know some"

"No, thanks." He refused to be invited for coffee, and if he accepted it would be to give continuity to something that he was afraid to experience. But, there was something that prompted him to accept, a hunch that told him everything would be fine.

"Well I'm sorry" He apologized embarrassed. "I think I stopped by inviting you to a coffee if you're tired." Onodera caught a sad look in Yukina's eyes, which was the trigger that made her change his mind:

"Only thirty minutes" He said in a short, almost in a choked voice.

He heard an astonished sigh.

"Really?" Yukina's eyes lit up like crystal balls, a warm smile rising on his lips. "Yes, Onodera, whatever you want" He vowed, bouncing from one foot to the other, his smile shining even more, spreading to Onodera's agitated heart, which was already surrendered to those dangerous smiles on the part of his companion.

* * *

In a matter of minutes, Yukina took him to a cafeteria that was relatively small in size, where only two waitresses served and consisted of ten tables for two people, maximum four.

Onodera ordered a cappuccino well loaded with espresso, while Yukina ordered a latte with natural sweetener.

Onodera analyzed him in detail, drumming his fingers on the table.

"I was very pleased when you agreed to be invited to a coffee" Yukina admitted with his eyes looking at the sky, where Onodera perceived a different color on his face. Was Yukina slightly flushed? "I wasn't expecting it" He chuckled, having looked down from the ceiling.

Onodera growled softly, feeling himself turn pale.

"Don't overdo it" He grumbled, looking away.

"I don't" Yukina said stubbornly. "What I am telling you is true, I am not lying Onodera when I tell you that I am very happy to go for a coffee with you"

"You have to say it for your ideas of romanticism" He said contemptuously; he pretended to be a complete idiot only to avoid submitting himself to his internal desires, because he should not, but he did, and perhaps it was not the best, however the hunch he felt moments ago seduced him to heed his instincts and give him he walk that boy to know himself.

"No" Yukina replied, his face misadjusted. "Onodera, I know those are ideologies that may be delusional to you, but believe me when I tell you that I'm glad to be with you, I swear!" He exclaimed irrevocably, blinking anxiously. "I'm telling the truth." In his eyes he could see a wink of supplication, which he couldn't resist.

"Stop bragging so much now," Onodera complained, taking the cup of cappuccino in his hands and drank a little.

Yukina pulled himself together, grimacing in confusion that stilled the longing to link his hand to Onodera's, but those were thoughts he didn't allow herself to tell his so soon.

"I admit that I like that you tell me the things that disgust you," Yukina confessed, resting her forearms on the table, lowering her head until her chin rested on her forearms. "Because this way I will avoid misunderstandings with you, Onodera"

"It's not that bad." He wanted to reduce the atmosphere of tension in which the table was surrounded. All because of him. "Yukina," He called him, to which he replied, looking at him attentively from his point of being. "You know, I'm very suspicious of people, especially those I hardly know." He paused briefly, adding, "I don't have that facility to open up, as you do." Her mouth twisted into a grimace of contained pain.

"Don't worry," Yukina assured him, lifting her head from the table. "For me it is not an impediment to talk with you, I can adjust to your pace, it is not necessary that you adjust to mine, because I am interested in going at your own pace," he said, nodding. "For me, you shouldn't even worry, because it makes me happy to be with you like this." He smiled quite satisfied, closing his eyelids.

"Well..." Onodera gave a nervous laugh, looking away; he was totally flushed.

Yukina opened his eyes, watching him curiously.

"What?" He inquired, intimidated.

"Is the coffee good?" He asked.

"Yes," he replied immediately. "And yours?"

"Pretty good" He said complacently. "Actually, sometimes they play good songs here." Onodera frowned, confused. "I mean songs that I like, they're not necessarily romantic songs" He replied, laughing.

"Oh…" He sighed, not understanding what Yukina was referring to.

"Do you like music, Onodera?" He looked at him with a hint of interest, taking a long sip from his latte.

"No" He said, with a hint of doubt.

"I see..." He nodded slightly, lengthening his voice that slowed down.

"But the ones you played on the guitar" Onodera replied alarmed. "I liked them"

"Really?" He furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief.

Onodera nodded, believing himself a fool for trying to comfort his companion in any way, because he disliked seeing him sad.

"Well." He covered his mouth with his hand, letting out a blush on his cheeks that Onodera could see with emphasis. "Thank you"

"No, well, I" His tongue locked terribly. Surely he seemed awkward doing such a ridiculous thing.

"I appreciate your flattery" Yukina added, gladly.

Oh, how perfect that boy could be!

There was no doubt that this Yukina boy had completely mastered the indomitable Onodera, with only harmless smiles, but dangerous enough to capture Onodera's full attention.

On the way back, Onodera was no longer dragging his feet, on the contrary, he used them with better control since his energy level had increased thanks to the company he had at his side.

So much energy that was overflowing with Yukina's spirit, infected the young editor's extreme tiredness.

Onodera notified him that he preferred to be escorted to the subway station, to which Yukina responded favorably, without missing the gallantry.

"Well, thanks for accompanying me" Onodera said with a slight nod.

"The pleasure is all mine," Yukina replied, good-natured. "I hope to see you soon, Onodera" He added softly, causing an aggressive blush in Onodera, who coughed from the same.

"Yes, well, whatever" He complained, his voice pretended. "Well, thanks" He waved goodbye, walking quickly to the station.

When Onodera was sitting on the subway, he couldn't quite think how it was that he didn't ask Yukina for his cell phone number, or even say thank you in a better way for being so kind to a person like him.

In a way, he believed himself completely useless when he was in the company of Yukina, who always smiled at his side, who greeted him with joy and who wanted to know him as he really was.

He tightened his grip on his briefcase, leaning his head against the subway window, sighing sleepily and broadly.

Every time he saw Yukina's chest clenched, his heart skipped a beat when he heard his voice, and also when he was facing him.

Those sensations increased in his being.

The subway continued its course, without taking into account the things that happened through the problematic editor; shaking him and shaking him to the solemn satiety of critical thinking about him.

He lowered his head, letting the strands of brown hair fall down above his eyebrows, brushing the tips of his eyelashes; he felt himself blinking, as he nodded due to the dream that was taking over him.

Moving images appeared in his mind, sequences without a beginning or end, sequences that housed in their symbolic structure a series of diverse scenarios of great magnitude.

Reasoning invaded him, but he did not allow his mind to be bribed.

Much to his regret, Yukina's geometry of perfection was such that his body heated up, and changed color; he felt that when he thought about him, his entire body became different.


	16. Next to you I would change color

**"Next to you I would change color"**

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The folds of the sheets were deformed when he put pressure with his fingers to hold them steady, carefully arranging each sheet so that it was in a better condition.

His concentration was such that not even the sound of the employees whispering, shocked at his condition, dared to disturb him; they believed that if they did, the work with which they did so much care would go to the side.

It was a kind of fatalism that directed him directly in unison.

Onodera arranged the paperwork for the work that Takano-san asked him in advance, and as expected, he carried out the work with the utmost care and the best attention he could have to make it presentable.

He was dressed that day in a light blue suit, a cream Calvin Klein shirt, a well-worn tie the same color as the suit, and a pair of ballistic dress shoes that matched the outfit; In addition, the day before, he cut his hair, made a slight blunt, and changed his look, so that he looked jovial and attractive.

Changes came and went, vanished in the blink of an eye, and returned with the same intensity as they disappeared.

There was never stability in his life, more than in the job of editor.

A terribly unhappy editor, but extremely dedicated and dedicated to work, like someone who did not have a developed inner life, who had no choice but to pay attention to the external goals that were guided by enslaved motivations of the life of a common worker.

Hopefully, his inner life was as developed as the outer one, because the outer one did not bring him much satisfaction in daily life, nor when he celebrated an achievement, that achievement was momentary, but life kept moving forward and yesterday he let it pass.

He let him move forward without interfering on his own.

Onodera didn't avoid feeling empty inside, but full of external contributions; not even Takano realized his inner emptiness, and swore by all the winds that he loved him.

How annoying those nefarious memories caused him.

He sighed and kept doing the job perfectly.

"Onodera." At the mention of his name, he stood up and carefully held the paperwork. He sighed and began to present the project.

The listeners were Takano-san, Yokozawa, and Hatori.

He wasn't surprised to learn that Yokozawa was against his proposal, nor was he impressed that Takano defended him and agreed to his proposal, bringing with him Hatori, who did not seem to have much choice but to accept.

At the end of the meeting between them, Takano tried to hold him back, but he refused, turning his back on him nonchalantly.

"I have things to do" He said to Takano.

"You always have things to do" Takano replied angrily. "Do you think I'm going to believe you?"

"I don't care if you don't believe me" Onodera said, grinding his teeth. "Just stop bothering me"

Takano put his hand on his shoulder, and turned him to his side; Onodera met Takano's caramel eyes, who watched him suspiciously.

"I don't have time for this" Onodera shook himself off, taking Takano's hand away.

"And when do you have time?" He inquired, stepping forward. "You've been making physical changes to yourself lately, then you say you don't love me, and then you despise me." He took another step, cornering Onodera against the wall.

Knowing himself cornered, he didn't want to give in to the panic that he felt running down his spine like a very thin thread that was about to break.

He was afraid that Takano would lay a hand on him, since he no longer felt anything for him, other than indifference.

"These changes are for someone else, right?" He put a hand on his hair and hesitated with it, moving the texture between his long fingers.

Onodera blanched with fear, trying to fight the source of his pain.

"That silence tells me yes" He stated, making his face turned into jealousy.

"Shut up" Onodera said exalted, giving him a firm push with both hands from his chest. "You tired me already!"

"I think"

"Don't talk anymore, Takano-san!" Onodera ordered, frustrated, pulling his hair out. "Your accusations, your harassment, all that tires me, stop doing it please!" He begged. "Let me live my life in peace for once!" He demanded, his voice cut off. "I don't need you in my life, you understand? The only thing you do in it is ruin it" He pointed out, his eyes clear. "You make me feel like an object that you only manipulate at your whim and condition it to behave the way you want it to behave, but I will no longer be that object you can play with, no longer!" He screamed in anger, a tear leaking from his eyes. "I'm tired of your dealings, of your manipulations, of all that you call 'love', that 'love'" He quoted with his fingers. "It's not love, it's not love, it is not! Dammit! It's not! That's not love! It's manipulation" He tugged at his hair, shaking his head. "It's not love." He gave a sore sigh. "It isn't, Takano-san, That's not what I want." Tears streamed down his pale cheeks, as Takano gaped at him; totally surprised. "I don't want that 'love' you give me," He said forcefully, running out of the boardroom, hiding his face in his hands.

"Onodera!" He heard him scream, but he was already too far to return to his side, because he would no longer do so.

He had already changed color.

* * *

He ran and ran as much as his legs allowed him, his lungs burning and pleading with him to breathe, the tears were constantly spilling from his eyes and they didn't seem to stop soon, since everything in him was worse than broken.

He had removed that pain that he felt so much in relation to Takano, stripping himself of the bonds and the vine that bound him to him by the deterioration of time.

He had broken that which forced him to return to the past.

Perhaps the way he did it was unorthodox and unreliable to discuss, but his value was not discarded as an alternative to solving things.

Now that he was free from the past, he could live in the present.

He stopped at the park where it all started, the park where he met Yukina about two weeks ago or so.

He took a deep and deep breath, recovering the color of his face, the color that he lost when cornered by Takano, who surely would be looking for him or whatever he was doing. He no longer cared what he did.

He fell exhausted on the bench, spreading his legs, dropping his head on the bench of the bench.

He let out a wide, overwhelmed sigh, heavy with courage to deal with the day to day.

He closed his eyes, slipping away from everything that bound him to society.

At least for a while for me, he said to himself, convinced that his little brief moment of joy was pulling him out of the pervasive sadness.

The moment of silence didn't last long, because a sweet voice drew him out of his trance; she realized she was coming toward him, or at least toward him.

That voice sang "I was made for loving you" by Kiss in the company of friends.

She opened her eyes by mere coincidence and there she saw it: Yukina Kou walked with a group of friends of which they were singing happily.

A blush appeared on his cheeks, and his heart reacted in relation to the presence of Yukina, who walked without any concern, wasting joy from all the pores on his face.

Onodera changed color, a different color, a special color that was seen reflected in his cheeks as his eyes fell on the figure of Yukina, and they followed his closely in the direction he was going.

"I love that song!" Yukina confessed, flagellating himself in Onodera's ears like a calming melody.

"You love everything, Yukina" His friend replied plaintively.

Yukina just laughed.

He hadn't felt a heart skip as intense as at that moment when he heard Yukina laugh.

He wasn't supposed to react like this, everything was supposed to be dark, he was supposed to… he had no doubt that he changed color just when he forced himself not to fall in love again, but it was too late, much too late to go back.

He was already seeing a person who made him change color. A person who just by setting foot on the street, the world changed color and things made sense to him. A unique and incomparable sense, an important and influential sense. A friction between them that changed and flagellated in the direction of their feelings that grew and did not stop growing, because they changed color.

A color around love.


	17. The effect you have in me

**"The effect you have in me"**

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Onodera stood up, in a trance that Yukina was the only thing his eyes caught from the crowd.

He couldn't help it, he just let his feet guide him on the way to Yukina, it seemed to him that his legs reacted alone and he allowed it out of pure reflex.

_I feel like an idiot_, he scolded himself frustrated.

He followed instinctively.

"See you later" Yukina said goodbye to them, smiling at them.

"Sure, Yukina" One replied.

"Good luck, Yukina" Said the other.

When they were gone, he noticed that Yukina was completely alone, walking through the crowd with his backpack hanging behind him.

Onodera's feet kept moving forward and didn't seem to stop; Frustrated by his behavior, he forced himself to trip over the ground, falling head-on.

"Are you okay?" Yukina's voice spoke to him, offering his hand. He raised his head, embarrassed and totally flushed.

"Ugh" he complained, because his face was red from the blow and he had hurt both knees.

"Onodera!" Yukina exclaimed in amazement. "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing relevant" He replied embarrassed, accepting Yukina's gesture.

"I didn't think I found you around here" He said, pulling his arm toward him. "Did you come to buy something specific?"

Onodera stumbled on his feet, but Yukina was nimble and held it with his other hand, positioning him.

"Thank you" Onodera admitted, completely flushed.

"It's nothing" Yukina said polite. "What were you doing around here? I find it curious to find you around here so early"

"Nothing" He replied, lowering his gaze; This instead of appeasing Yukina, piqued his curiosity.

"I'll walk you to your purchases" He offered giggling, making Onodera freak out at the sudden comment.

"There's no need" He shook his hands, giggling nervously.

"It's not a nuisance to me" Yukina assured, with a raised fist. "Tell me where you will go and I will be happy to accompany you." He chuckled contently.

How to say no? He couldn't find the words to drive him away, nor the ideal excuse to get away from the offer, if what he wanted so much now apart from loneliness was to see him.

How pathetic he must have looked.

"Onodera?" Yukina gave him an attentive glance, blinking, implying that he expected his answer.

"Well, I feel like going for a walk" He snapped awkwardly.

"Oh, a walk?" Yukina repeated, sighing. "Then I'll go with you for a walk" He indicated.

"Eh?"

"Where are we headed?" Yukina looked at him, beginning to move his feet.

"You have no classes?" Onodera asked incredulously.

"I'm out of school now" Yukina replied proudly. "It's barely half past one in the afternoon, I leave today at twelve"

"But" He replied uselessly.

"Don't worry about my studies." He shook his hand disinterestedly. "Where are we headed, Onodera? North, south, east, west, tell me where we are going and I will follow you" He stated, imitating a soldier on the march.

_Oh, how cute_, Onodera sighed stupidly.

"I-I have no idea where to go" Onodera admitted, embarrassed. He stopped, cocked to look at him, questioningly, raising his eyebrows.

"Hm, aimless walks" Yukina guessed, grimacing. "I love the idea!" He blurted out, surprising Onodera. "I know where to go"

"Where to?" Onodera replied.

"Let's walk to Yoyogi Park" He suggested excitedly. "They have a beautiful cherry blossoms garden, and a rose garden"

"Ah, I see" Sighed Onodera, getting very nervous about the naturalness with which Yukina spoke to him, wondering how it was that he didn't hear his heartbeat about to explode? Or how could he not say anything about his flushed face? _Could it be for education that he doesn't say anything?_ He wanted to assume.

"If we take the bus" Yukina continued. "It won't take long to arrive, taking advantage of the fact that I don't work in the bookstore today, we can eat if you like, or I know!" He exclaimed suddenly. "I can take you to see one of the places where I buy music." He chuckled hopefully. "Well, where you want to go, Onodera, that's where I'm going" He said it in a sincere tone.

He, felt pale at such comment, and had the need to see it in Yukina's face to believe it.

He saw the face of sincerity that radiated their expression and knew that they felt the same for each other. They felt the same inexplicable feeling, but he did not give him such an easy place, compared to Yukina, who was the one who took the initiative every time he could; that is, always.

"Are-are you serious?" He dared to ask, fearful.

"Of course I'm serious, Onodera" Yukina expressed honestly. "Wherever you want to go, I'm going"

"But it's not relevant" He excused himself, lowering his gaze.

"It is" Yukina insisted, stubbornly. "I'm serious when I say I'm after you." He stopped, making him stop just the same. "I wouldn't lie to you, I swear I wouldn't , and if you allow me to be with you, I would go with you wherever you want '

Onodera blinked, unable to function.

Those intense phrases, those sincere eyes that pierced him, that voice that wobbled him and relaxed him; if he was standing it will be because his legs have kept him like this, but if not, he would collapse.

He didn't imagine that he would receive such a confession, although it was not one of love as such, but it did imply the same feeling of love; but Yukina was referring to a love in the form of an engagement, not one in passing like that courtship that he just had and by will she got rid of.

"If I bothered you" Yukina spoke, in a friendly tone, softening his features. "I apologize, it really wasn't my intention to tell you something that bothered you, much less hurt you." He furrowed his brows, saddened. "Please forgive me, but what I told you was true"

Onodera looked up, frowning.

"Well, if you like, I'll be going." He apologized with a slight nod. "Have a nice day." He smiled a little. "Goodbye"

And as if by inertia, Onodera took him by the arm, holding him back from leaving.

"Onodera?" Yukina cocked to the side, completely surprised. What to say? Stunned by his action.

"I didn't say anything!" He scolded, accompanied by the blush on his burning cheeks. "Don't jump to conclusions, Yukina, because you don't know me"

"Onodera" He sighed in awe.

"I ..." He took a breath to say: "I didn't say you could go"

He heard a touched sigh from Yukina, meaning he had understood his message.

"I understand" He confessed rather than moved. "So then." He took Onodera's arm gently. "Come on Onodera, we will go wherever you like." He smiled gladly.

"Yes, of course" He said, blinking, a little doubtful for his action, but he didn't regret what he did.

"Where"

"Yoyogi Park" Onodera interrupted hurriedly; Yukina looked at him shocked, that is, confused. "Take me there, Yukina"

Yukina blinked, putting his mouth in the shape of a fish, recovering at once.

"Of course" He stated pleased with his response, guiding him with his presence led him directly to Yoyogi Park.

* * *

They arrived at Yoyogi Park after two, having previously taken the bus; Yukina led him to the clock tower, then to the rose garden where he watched him jump and approach to smell the flowers with pleasure, looking like a child discovering the world around him.

That detail moved Onodera, who thought he was cute when he was happy.

"Look, Onodera." He was pointing at the roses. "They smell beautiful"

"I know" He said reluctantly.

"Come and smell them" He insisted like a child.

"Okay" He said exhausted and knelt down to smell the flowers, absorbed in not looking so stupid for allowing himself to be convinced so easily.

Later, they went to the cherry garden, but it was still missing for the time when it was ideal to see them bloom, so they didn't last long contemplating the buds of the immature cherry trees.

Finally they went to eat and had a good coffee in a coffee stall that was in the park, and they walked around the park, talking and getting to know each other better; This change was unusual for Onodera, but at the same time very happy, and the sense of relief of not feeling pressured to have his barriers raised, because with Yukina it wasn't necessary to do it.

It was a cause and an effect that arose between them, a reason for being, and a positive result that he simply did not explain himself but knew that it was good, since he had found what he was looking for so much.

What his other partners couldn't give him.

That effect on him that would give him peace of mind to move on.

And that was the effect that Yukina had on him.

A unique effect that no one else had on him.


	18. I don't need to see you to know

**"I don't need to see you to know that I like you"**

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"Cherry blossoms are beautiful when they bloom, don't you think?" Yukina was expressing with happiness in the return, when they passed through the cherry garden.

"I suppose" Assumed Onodera, who was advancing quietly, almost impassive in his walk. He drank the last of his coffee.

"They determine repeating cycles" Yukina said. "Cycles that define stages of our life and as you should know, Onodera, don't stop repeating themselves"

"What do you mean by that?" He raised an eyebrow, interested.

"Relationships come and go" He said thoughtfully. "And it depends on the way in which we live them, they can end or they can start again"

This left Onodera taken by surprise, without anticipating he saw himself looking at his companion out of the corner of his eye, appreciating his features, his caramel eyes, his sweet smell, his smile that enraptured him every time he glimpsed her and his internal windows were clarified in oscillatory frequency.

"Changing the subject" Yukina said, frowning. "Do you want to go by subway or by bus?"

"What?" He snapped awkwardly.

Did Yukina want to end their date? But, it was too soon to separate, no, Onodera lowered his head, decayed for that reason.

Yukina seemed not to let it escape, and put a hand on Onodera's shoulder, startling him instantly.

"Sounds like better" He stopped, savoring a bit, before saying, "If we go to a music store? I know one that is very calm and they give us space to listen to the Lps without interruption" He assured, a slight visible blush adorned his youthful face.

"Em" Onodera stuttered, lifting his shoulders, pursing his lips.

"I also want to extend our time together," Yukina admitted seriously.

"Okay" He agreed.

Yukina smiled happily at him, shrugging her shoulders in excitement.

"Come." He invited Lo to come closer to reach the bus stop. "It's not far from here"

"You know many places, Yukina," he said, keeping up with his

"I have a lot of time to do it" He said, looking sideways so he could walk down the street. "As I live alone, I get bored a lot and that's why I go out for a walk alone looking for places to hang out." They went down the street to where their respective stop was and got to get on the bus, sitting in the front seats.

"Do you live alone?" Asked Onodera, a little amazed; he always had the impression that Yukina lived with his parents, and not alone.

He nodded.

"Did you think I lived with my parents?" He asked mischievously.

"Well," Onodera ground his teeth, embarrassed.

"Don't worry" He elbowed him in confidence, laughing softly. "I give the impression that I live with my parents or a friend, but no, I chose to live alone to know what it felt like to live in solitude"

"Really?" Onodera replied, elbowing him back.

"Yes" He nodded, directing his gaze forward. "But I'm used to it, although there are times when I do feel lonely and I want to have company" He confessed in a downcast tone. "However, I am happy to talk to you, because you are very interesting to me, Onodera"

"Me?" He exclaimed, puzzled, backing away.

"Sure" He insisted obviously. "You are more interesting than you think, Onodera"

Onodera just chuckled, snubbed. How is it that he was interesting if he thought he was a boring man?

He didn't understand, it didn't get into his head how it was that Yukina appreciated his company so much since there must have been much more interesting people than him, and Yukina preferred to hang out with him.

"It's time to get off," Yukina snapped, standing up immediately; He readjusted himself, chasing after the boy, feeling pleased that they had prolonged the time together, meaning that it was the time when they could get to know each other even more.

Having gotten off the bus, his companion took him to the music store that was hidden somewhere in the same district where they went to the park.

They entered a dark establishment, where some vinyl shelves were located, approximately four shelves ten meters long each, covering six rows of vinyl arranged in alphabetical order.

Yukina blew with excitement, lighting her features in unison with her footsteps that ran to the classic rock section, and began to inspect some specimens.

Suddenly he looked up with a translucent glow in his eyes.

"Come, Onodera." He invited him to come closer.

He froze and forced himself to move, crackling at how cute Yukina looked when she smiled and was excited by things as simple as going to a music store.

"Look" He showed him an Lp that said "Ballads of the 80s". Onodera looked at him contemptuously, since it was not his style.

"Hm," he replied incessantly.

"I'll show you a better one." He returned it to the shelf, looking for other copies.

"As you like" He said to comfort him, if he had offended him, because that was not his intention.

Yukina released a gray Lp that came with a single theme, not a set of songs, but only one. Onodera found it odd that there was only one topic, barely familiar with the matter of dealing with Yukina, when another complex matter was presented to her for understanding.

"I love this ballad" Sighed Yukina raptly. "It immerses me in a Christmas village, where the sounds are old-fashioned, but the melody is beautiful"

"Hm," he agreed, he didn't quite understand.

"Let's hear it" Yukina suggested, taking him by the wrist and pulling him to the listening room.

"Wait," Onodera claimed, exalted.

Yukina placed the Lp on the stereo, setting the needle to work.

The Moody Blues song "Nights in White Satin" rang out on the stereo, causing Onodera to frown, struggling to adjust to the rhythm of the ballad and sound.

"You feel like you're in a Christmas town," Yukina said, in a peaceful tone. "Snowflakes fall from the cloudy sky, and your eyelids are filled with thick whiteness and warm at the same time; the gazes of others do not affect you because you are in your own world, defending your thoughts and your feelings that are unique, because they prolong "He paused briefly. "The love you feel grows and you express it openly" He smiled inspired. "You become one with your feelings and that love you feel is yours, you share it, and you say 'I love you because it is you'" He said that phrase with sweetness, softening all its appearance. "'I need you because I love you'"

"What are you trying to say?" Onodera snapped, breathing hard, as a result of the intense blush that appeared on her face, and what to say? In the rest of his body.

"I invite you to listen to the song" Yukina said, smiling softly at him. "To imagine a place where the song reaches you." He put a hand on his chest. "It went straight to your heart"

"That is nonsense" He reproached harshly.

"Is it really nonsense?" He said in a slightly more forceful tone, of course, without exerting pressure.

"You can't do that"

"Can't you really?" Yukina inquired, knitting his eyebrows. "You don't make it because you don't try, and you don't believe in it either." He looked at him softly, causing a chill in Onodera.

He was losing his temper in front of his gaze.

"Rocking someone's spirit" He expressed grandiose, how poetic he would be. "Provoke unexplained sensations inside someone, touch their heart with your hand, make their interior flutter with vibrant emotion because you are the one who provokes those sensations in me." He put a hand on his chest, extending it towards his heart. "I don't think it's nonsense, because although I can't see it, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist"

Onodera made a scared face, not for having him face to face, but for his words so real, his words that shook him fickle and spat at the end of the erupting volcano that were his wild emotions. He was expelled into the world in nakedness, stripped of his bonds and chains, expelled from pain, expelled from false illusions, scattered into the atmosphere.

It was an incessant accumulation of emotions, pouring out like a breeding ground in constant reaction, in explosions and in gushing bubbles that sparkled, blinking and moving when his eyes met, when he touched him with his words, when everything began to make sense.

"It doesn't happen overnight" Yukina explained, approaching his side, taking a seat in the chair where he was located. "But you don't have to give up or force yourself to live something you're not ready for, besides." He stretched out his flexed legs. "We are getting to know each other, it is too early to tell you"

That made him curious.

"Tell me what?" He wanted to know, hastily.

"My feelings" He replied delicately.

"Which ones?" Onodera pressed, becoming demanding for some reason.

"It is very soon, Onodera" Yukina denied.

"Soon for what?"

"To tell you my feelings" He clarified, blushing a little. "It's too early to do it because that would mean that" He got stuck, it seems he was looking for the right word to finish the sentence.

"It would mean what?" Onodera repeated, upset. He knew he was eager to know it, eager to hear it from his mouth, and that his mouth came close to his and reaffirmed it.

"It would mean that I would get yourself into a conflict that doesn't correspond to you" He stated in conflict. "And I don't want to put you under stress for any reason, you don't deserve it"

"Me?" Onodera said with a blank face.

"I don't know how much time is missing" Yukina confessed with a sigh. 'I don't know the exact moment when things happened, or how they happened, but I don't care to know the origin, because, what else can I do? Bury my feelings underground until they rot?" He supposed sad. "Of course not, I accept my feelings and I will not hesitate to express them, but what stops me in this case, is that I want to keep up with you, I don't know if you understand me"

"Are you treating me like an idiot?" He claimed offended, alarming Yukina, who started to deny it with his hands.

"Of course not!" He said exalted. "I would never treat you like an idiot, I have never thought of you as an idiot"

"Then why don't you tell me your feelings?" He demanded, having stopped.

"I told you I can't" Yukina admitted, crestfallen.

Onodera breathed indignantly, feeling a bitter heaviness in his stomach and his chest contracting in sudden sharp pain. It hurt, it really hurt not knowing.

Why didn't Yukina tell him the truth?

"I'm leaving." He wrinkled his nose, holding back the tears that threatened to appear on his face.

"No, Onodera" Yukina asked, crestfallen.

"No!" He ran off, wounded inside.

He saw empty, and that invited him to continue running to the station with the intention of going to lock up his apartment and never leave there.

He didn't need to see Yukina to know that he liked him.

He liked Yukina.

He no longer questioned it, because it was an undeniable truth. Absolute.

He loved him since he met him ...


	19. You arrive just in time

**"You arrive just in time"**

_"You arrive just in time, now I am sure"_

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If he questioned perfection, he wouldn't find it in the name of Yukina Kou. A name with the air of a prince, just like the person who wore it.

Onodera didn't doubt the qualities that made up the boy, much less say that he was an idiot, if the idiot was himself. He assumed that Yukina was treating him as an idiot, but that was not how things happened; his words, in that case, were respectful because they took into account his opinion about what was happening between them.

However, he erroneously ruled out any possibility that something might arise between them, although in fact something was happening. Perhaps something so wonderful that it caused him so much fear to face because it was so delicate and beautiful in his hands that at the first push it would break into a thousand pieces of irreparable nature.

Onodera's fear was confusing, not in relation to Yukina (he had nothing to do with his emotional turmoil), but to his past experience, which was what kept him from wanting to move on.

Simply put, keep trying.

He didn't know how things happened, but they just happened, and they led to a series of outcomes that had to strengthen the relationship, leaning his feelings towards the boy. Feelings that although he denied at first, continued to grow and would not stop growing because they began to encompass infinite clarifications.

Those feelings saddened him because he put an end to his growth, for acting like a complete idiot; the worst of all.

He would not deny admitting that when he arrived at his apartment that afternoon he fell to the ground on his knees, crying bitterly at his stupidity because of his cowardice.

He cried for something that hadn't even started, because he put an end to it.

* * *

Two weeks had passed since that incident and Onodera continued in his modern and youthful outfits, working long working hours with the intention that the new volume of Mutou-sensei would be published soon.

Takano abandoned his pursuit behind him, limiting himself to treating him like just another employee in the office, refraining only from telling him his mistakes and some objective comments regarding the work he did.

Despite keeping himself busy so as not to think about his mistake, the pain and sadness consumed him bitterly, they consumed his smile that was just beginning to appear on his grumpy face.

His body was working perfectly, but his mind was disconnected from reality.

Everything seemed dark, slow, lonely, scary, the worst that Onodera could imagine, since he, the cause of his sadness, knew deep down that he needed to recover what so many joys were beginning to give him.

He knew it, but he didn't dare to take the first step.

"Onodera" Takano sent for him in the office, removing him from his musings. He stood up and went to where his boss was.

"Yes?" He spoke, looking at the ground with broad sadness.

"Your work has been very good" He flattered, adjusting his glasses in an authoritative pose.

Onodera gave him a weak smile, nodding at the compliment.

"Thank you"

"Onodera." Takano leaned in his direction a little. "I've seen recently that you've been down at work, and also when you leave your apartment." This made Onodera look up from the floor in a panic. "I don't want to know the reason, but I want you to know that if it's something that can be solved, do it" He clarified, making a sideways grimace. "The things you said to me in the boardroom at first surprised me, but I won't deny that they made me realize how much I was hurting you and maybe out of respect you weren't telling me." He took a deep breath. "I thank you for opening my eyes"

"Takano-san" Onodera mentioned moved.

"That's why I am trying to help you, telling you to solve what so much sadness you have been having" He said calmly. "And if what you have to solve will give you the happiness that I couldn't give you myself, go ahead, I will let you out before eight"

Onodera blinked in surprise, opening his mouth without saying a word.

He simply nodded, genuinely smiling.

"Thanks, Takano-san," he said motivated.

"That's the Onodera that I haven't seen in these two weeks," Takano commented in a mocking air. "You looked like a living corpse with that tramp façade—"

Onodera indignant, hit him on the head.

"Hey what's wrong?" He claimed growling at her, grinding her teeth.

"What are you waiting for?" "Hurry to work," he ordered, rubbing his head. "Don't make me regret the benefit I just gave you"

Onodera clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Uh-huh." He went to his seat to continue his activities.

* * *

He left at half past seven in the afternoon, grumbling because it was not much of a difference from having left before the rest, although he reiterated that it was beneficial for him not to run into Yokozawa, with whom he always got along badly.

He headed for the Marimo bookstore, the feeling of nerves fluttering in his stomach non-stop.

How annoying it was to feel unable to function, but above all, unable to know that he had not seen Yukina.

He needed the certainty that things would take their course and flow in time and form, without him or anyone else taking part in that course.

He should arrive just in time to tell him the things his presence caused in him, or his image appearing in his head all the time, to tell him how eagerly he had the urge to hold his hand, how eagerly he kept his comments and his hobbies, how eagerly he kept his precious comments and repeated them in his mind before sleeping, with all the wishes he kept from being able to hug him and tell him how much his smile gave him all the happiness he lacked.

To tell him that he needed him because he loved him.

When he was in front of the Marimo bookstore, his mind went blank, since nervousness and palpitations made him ponder more than he should.

He was surprised at the amount of thoughts that forced him to enter, to move his feet forward, to have his hand push the door and make his way inside the bookstore; What surprised him the most was that he did exactly the same thing that his mind told him so hard.

He entered the bookstore with his heart on the tip of his tongue, his eyes clear with fear of not daring to be honest with Yukina.

But the fear was bigger than anything else at the time, and he hid in the hallway of the youth novel section. He took a deep breath and told himself that he couldn't flinch without a fight.

Just when he was in the mood to go looking for him, he found him on the other side of the hallway in the company of a coworker. They were chatting as Yukina helped him put the books up high because his partner was shorter than him.

His heart contracted as soon as he saw him, and he was breathless.

"Hey, Yukina" Said his immature-looking fellow with curly brown hair.

"Yes?" He nodded, cleaning the shelf before putting the book in the right place.

"I haven't seen you as happy as you usually are" He said puzzled. "Does it have something to do with that person?" He emphasized "that person," lighting alarm lights on Onodera's head, who laid his ear on the shelf, ready to listen to Yukina's response.

Who was that person?

He heard him sigh, having placed the book on the spot.

"You know me well" He exteriorized dejectedly, chuckling.

"I'm worried about seeing you like this" He admitted, handing his the other book. "You are not like that, Yukina"

"Okay." He took the book and placed it next to the previous one.

"No, it's not right" He insisted annoyed; Onodera brought his ear closer to it, heartbeats echoing to the nape of his neck. "Two weeks ago you kept saying you were doing well with him, and now you hardly speak." He gave him the other book, after dusting it off.

Yukina sighed dejectedly, and when he reached up to put the book on the shelf, Onodera caught a glimpse of his expression and he looked sad, just like him.

He furrowed his eyebrows.

"I know you like that employee" His colleague continued. "The one with the frown, the one with the green eyes; let me tell you that it seems that this man has had more experiences than you, I am not saying it because I asked him, I am saying it because that seems in his unfavorable aspect" Onodera's chest contracted, lashing out that his heart was tightening and accelerating to huge rhythms. Who was Yukina's partner referring to? Who? He was urgent to know. "And you have dated girls, but you are not past the first date"

Yukina silenced him with his hand.

"Let me finish" His colleague reproached.

"I understand your point" Yukina said.

"You haven't even had your first kiss" His colleague snapped. "How do you expect that relationship to work?"

_Yukina hasn't had his first kiss? But, but ... _Onodera was really confused, puzzled, relieved, etc. A mixture of mixed feelings sprouting out of time.

"I hope it works because I want it" He confessed snubbed. "From the second my eyes saw him, it was love at first sight, I don't doubt it because he shook me completely, nothing of such magnitude had ever happened to me in my life and I don't regret having approached him" He explained. "I hope it works because I will be honest with him, I will share my things and my triumphs, I will take him to the places where he wants to go, I will respect him and I will always go according to his pace"

"That's stupid," his partner complained, snorting.

"It's not stupid" Yukina continued. "I may not have had my first kiss, but I will do my best to make him happy, I don't care how long it takes me or the obstacles I must face, as long as I have a bit of his smile, I will be happy"

"Yukina, stop fantasizing." He held out the book, shaking his head. "Someone with your ideals is difficult to find"

"But I already found him" Yukina said, smiling hopefully.

At that, Onodera's sight darkened with tears accumulating in his eyes, seeing Yukina express his ideals, which he shared with him two weeks ago.

"But he treated you badly, and he ran away" His colleague said in bewilderment.

"I know" He stated with a slight nod.

"And what are you going to do?" He said it as if he wanted to cheer him up, but it had no effect on Yukina's crestfallen gesture.

"I don't know" He confessed with a sigh. "But that is not why I must bury these feelings, because they are special and they will continue to grow; you may not understand me, but once you meet that person, there is no way to forget that feeling that causes you, and you get to the conclusion that you need him because you love him" He smiled weakly, even though his words were strong. "I don't know what comes next, nor do I know if I will see him again, but although I feel this emptiness for not having told him my feelings and for allowing him to escape from my hands, I will continue to feel the same for him" He said hopefully. "You know, I've always been a romantic, a lover of ballads and poems, and perhaps it was because they called my attention with how much passion and forcefulness those intense feelings expressed through words, and maybe I was typecast in that area, not knowing why I loved ballads so much' He paused briefly. "But, as soon as our eyes met that time, everything made sense, the reason why I sang every Friday at seven in the afternoon in the park was because there I would find the reason why I loved romanticism as such"

"Yukina, that sounds corny" His partner said with a pitiful face.

"He is the reason for everything," he concluded fervently. "He is the person to whom I always dedicated ballads without even knowing him, and since we met, he became the fruit of my affection, the expression of love that fills my soul" His eyes lit up when he said it, but soon they faded into bitterness.

"I have nothing more to tell you" His colleague said, uncomfortable. "More than wishing you luck and if it fails, don't think I'll offer you consolation scarves" He warned, chuckling in a mocking air.

"I can only feed these feelings with my sorrows" Yukina confessed, heartless.

Onodera paled, enraptured by the words of Yukina, who so passionately expressed about that love he felt within, that love for which he wanted so much to express freely.

He didn't know if he arrived on time, or if he simply had to surrender, however, he referred to stay there, making up some excuse to be able to approach Yukina and from there tell him everything.

But the thinking time was short, because Yukina's footsteps brought him out of his thoughts, sounding like echoes in the hallway, approaching him.

He froze as he realized that Yukina was heading to his hallway.

"Can I help you with something?" His voice, his sweet voice had spoken to him. He turned and his eyes met in a span. "Onodera..." Yukina's eyes widened in complete surprise, gaping. "What-what are you doing here? Looking for another book?" Onodera reacted, moving the fingers of his hands to encourage himself to speak.

Yukina's crestfallen appearance was the trigger for him to gain courage and with a couple of steps forward, he dared to say:

"When will your shift end?"

He heard him breathe in amazement, fearful, as if without knowing the reason for his visit.

"In fifteen minutes" He replied without hiding fear and sadness in a single gesture.

"I'll wait for you outside" Onodera reported seriously. "I need to talk with you"

"Okay." He swallowed hard.

Onodera just hoped he had arrived on time.

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**P.S. **(Mention to the song "Pulsar" by Gustavo Cerati


End file.
